TWTW - the one with the second summer

Friday I kicked it off with an hour walk, saw the sunrise, and took Bruce & Ben back on our beach for the first time since May. They couldn't run off-leash so they were not super pleased.

Work work work work work, a lunchtime stroll, nails (OPI Now Museum, Now You Don't and Essie Penny Talk), reading, and a long walk around town after work.

I also lost my fucking shit about a gas oven installation gone horribly awry, screamed at Best Buy, screamed at MFD, screamed at the universe. "Why did you have a nervous breakdown?" "A years long gas oven saga." Another new oven is slated to arrive on Friday. If this doesn't take I'll probably have to be taken away. ANYWAY THE SUNSET WAS NICE TOO. And I started a new book.

Saturday Sunrise, clean up, coffee, and headed back to Philly by 9:30. The weather was freaking glorious at the shore. Bruce and Ben were still not allowed off leash due to too many other dogs around so Bruce bit the leashes the whole time.

I made buffalo chicken dip, which always looks gross but tastes great, and iced coffee and wrapped my niece's gift, then headed to Lola Jean's fourth birthday party. I cannot believe she's going to be four this week. She is super smart and funny and I am so glad to know her. There was a freaking pony at the party and it was great. My sister in law always does a cute theme too. We were so heat exhausted I think we were sound asleep by 10.

Sunday My plan was a bunch of cooking that required my oven but we all know how that went. I also planned to fall-ify my house but forgot I got rid of most of my seasonal decor because I don't like putting it out. MFD did put the orange lights outside too. I did a full at home pedicure, enjoyed leisurely coffee, did shore/home/clothes laundry and weekly food prep before going to Mom's for dinner.

Weekly food prep: Breakfasts are PB&J english muffins and bananas. I also made breakfast burritos to freeze. Lunches are chicken breast with steamed veggies. Dinners are rigatoni with olive oil, zucchini, peppers, and mushrooms; and veggie quesadillas.

And all of the sudden, it was the last day of September.

Happy New Year to my jewish friends!.  

Thursday Thoughts - control yourself, take only what you need from it

1. It's the last Thursday of September, the Autumnal Equinox was Monday, and the fall candles are out in force. Fall candles are my favorite. Evil Queen candles are new to me but man they smell awesome and they have a tremendous throw. I hate candles with dinky smells.

2. Mum's the word. I met up with Jen to get mums this week which means the flower bed clean out has to be completed this weekend. I've killed mums a lot, but we did good with them last year so I'm hopeful we'll do well again this year.

3. I also got Halloween candy 40% off thanks to Cartwheel at Target. It's safely hidden from MFD.

4. We went to Las Margaritas for dinner on Wednesday. Thanks to everyone for the anniversary wishes. Delicioso anniversary dinner with a gift card? Yes please and thank you. Especially because we had to drop a zillion dollars unexpectedly on a new oven.

5. Young women can bear a lot of weight but shouldn't have to. Get on board.

6. A lot a lot indeed. I fully support the legalization of marijuana both for medicinal and recreational purposes but people need to be getting out of jail now for marijuana related offenses.

7. You didn't think I'd get by without commenting on this, did you? Given the flagrant disregard for the constitution, diplomacy, and human decency and the corruption, immorality, and daily lies, it has always been time for an impeachment inquiry into the person in the White House. Oh, you say the country is too divided for this? Don't act like not opening an impeachment inquiry is the way to healing. Impeachment is political, not criminal. We’re too divided to have people sworn to uphold the Constitution not do that. Get to work. 

8. How the fuck is it the last Thursday in September already?

9. Reminder: This is such a simple concept but has been one of the hardest ways to be for me to learn.

10. Ecards. I LOL'd this week at people in fall duds when it was humid and like 80 something. Wear what is appropriate for how it FEELS, now what you think it should be. 

What appears after the hyphen in Thursday Thoughts is a song lyric to whatever I'm listening to when I start to write the post. This week is Kids by MGMT

Nine lives

Today we are nine years married. This month we are 17 years together and have known each other for 29 years. 

It is true that while the days are long, the years are short. And different. Every year is different. 

Last year our anniversary fell a few days after losing my father-in-law, a few months before an election but over seven months in on the daily exhausting stress of running for office while trying to maintain a life and still like each other. Spoiler alert: not always successful. 

We didn't see each other for more than 20 minutes on our anniversary last year. MFD was campaigning then over with his Mom and I was pulling photos for his Dad's funeral service DVD. And that was...fine. Seriously. We already don't do gifts, and for a lot of years together we didn't have money to go out to even a halfway nice meal. I have zero expectations and would rather he fold laundry than get me a card LOL. I don't expect him or myself to be in a celebratory mood every year. Statistically over the long haul, that's not possible. And that's what this is, the long haul. 

But traditions die hard so I made us take a pic like I do on every anniversary. This one is at the end of a tiring day in the midst of an absolutely draining year. I'm glad I did. It's good to remember what we've gotten through together.  It's nice to look at this photo today and know we both feel a million times better than we did on this day last year. 

Not every day or year is full of celebratory cheer. Things change. We ourselves go through big changes. We lose loved ones and gain them. Circumstances arise and through it all we need time to individually adjust and to adjust as partners. As there is to everything, there is an ebb and flow and while obviously preferring the flow, I try to honor both because we need that ebb to adjust back into a flow. The river is wide and it is long and it forges the path it needs to take. 

If you ever see me out here acting like life is but a dream, know I have been body snatched. I would never put the pressure on myself or MFD to appear perfect or perfectly married so we can portray ourselves that way online. I’m not putting all of my business out there but I’m also not in the business of distorting reality. None of us are perfect and none of us have a perfect relationship but I do hope if people want to be tied to someone, that they find the person that is perfectly imperfect for them. 

Here's this year's collage with much less stress on my face than last year's because there’s more flow - see this anniversary collage in 2013, 2014, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018. 

L-R: 

1) October - The only photo we're both in from last October. Thank you for joining us Melissa! 

2) November - Thanksgiving weekend at the shore, less than a week after getting our newest dog John Bender from a rescue

3) December - Christmas Day

4) January - New Year's Day

5) February - Shopping together is not one of our favorite things

6) March - Back to the shore for my birthday. Our house opening gift was a hot water heater that was broken and would take three weeks and numerous parts to repair

7) April - Good Friday

8) May - Taking our photo for Ruth & Pete's 60th anniversary

9) June - Bike riding and beach walking 

10) July - Family vacation in Emerald Isle

11) August - back to relaxing weekend days when MFD wasn't working - him fishing and me reading

12) September - more of the same

This year has been one of redefinition. Last year changed us as people and it changed our relationship. Who are we now? Where are we going? Where do we want to be? We're still figuring that out individually and together and enjoying ourselves.

Happy Anniversary MFD. This year has been infinitely more relaxing than last and that has been fucking amazing. 

Happy happy 40th birthday to Amanda! Love you!

September Recommendations

Don't tell women to smile. It's sexist and patronizing as fuck even if you don't mean it to be. You don't get to tell other people how to arrange their face in the form of a command. It's the same as saying "Wear your hair down." Don’t fucking do it.

Pacifica 7 free nail polish. I own a few of these now, and I freaking love them. They go on nicely, wear well, and are without parabens, phthalates, toluene, xylene, camphor, formaldehyde, resin, and animals...toxic shit that's in most nail polishes. When I buy polishes going forward, it will likely be this brand.

Kale chopped salad kit from Aldi. Under $3 and the only way I like kale. These allow me to be a lazy asshole not wanting to make a salad but still eat a salad and only feel the guilt of extra plastic use.

Nandog dog beds - The only ones I buy for my dogs so if you have small or medium dogs, check them out. I get them at Marshalls/HomeGoods so they're $20 instead of $50+ and washable. We have two at home and two at the shore.

Anything you're recommending this month?

TWTW - the one with the bikes

Friday I worked from home for the oven repairman who never called or showed up and ran errands at lunch, marveled at Bender hoarding toys, and bitched at the city. Normal day. After work I transplanted two perennials so let’s hope that takes as well as lolling around with Gus. 

Friday night was Amanda's 40th birthday at Songbird in Collingswood. It was a great party with lots of laughs with framily and the fine karaoke stylings of AJ and Company. It’s the latest I’ve been out in a while and we stopped in at the neighbors’ through the backyard for a few minutes when we got home. I didn’t turn my light out until 1:30 am. 

Saturday I headed to the shore with los perros after doing some stuff around the house. MFD was at the Recovery Walk so he went from there. It was the MS City to Shore bike ride this weekend and the staff stays in our main house. My first order of business was a hotdog for lunch followed by some beach time and couch time. Kale salad and pizza for dinner. I was in bed reading by 10.

Sunday sunrise, the last official one of summer 2019. Thanks to my dogs for getting up at 5:35 ensuring I did not miss it.

After a scintillating five minutes of Dogs in Donut Hats and a lot of coffee, I headed out. 

I found great treasures, all of which I lost When i left since I forgot they were in a chair pocket, had more coffee, swam, and finished a book before heading back to clean the house, walk the dogs, pack the car, and shower. The MS people always leave us food, which is awesome. We took some to my mother in law, froze some, will use some this week, and shared some with the neighbors. 

Today is a year since my father in law passed so we took MFD’s mom to dinner at the Lobster House in Cape May. It was nice to be together. After we dropped her off, we drove back to Ocean City, packed up more shit, walked the dogs, and I took them home. MFD has his part of the shore chores and done trim painting to do Monday morning. 

Weekly food prep: Breakfasts are homemade waffles and bananas. Lunches are Aldi kale salad kits. Dinners were going to be million dollar ravioli casserole but since my oven wasn't fixed it'll be mac and cheese I brought home from the shore and salads. I know we're going out on Wednesday. 

The next few weekends I'll be splitting time in Philly and at the shore. It's nice to be close enough to do that. 

Happy fall! And happy birthday Bruce Springsteen the man and our friend Jenny. And happy Monday. HAPPY EVERYTHING, to everyone. 

Thursday Thoughts - on a dark desert highway, cool wind in my hair

1. First feminist point...the first rule of feminist fight club is to always talk about feminist fight club. Image via thewildfeminine on Instagram. 

2. Second feminist point: women told you and you chose not to believe them and passed him through anyway and this has been and continues to be a fucking disgrace. Sometimes I wish I cared less about this shit and lived in ignorance.

3. Sometimes you need a good neutral nail. I love the name of this - Dark Desert Highway by Pacifica. I lost my summer lipstick to the ocean last weekend so I guess it's time to move on from that LOL

4. The weather has been superb for sleeping and lunch walks. Fall popped back on to say hey but summer's returning this weekend.

5. I'm already lining up my casseroles. I think ravioli casserole is first. I love a casserole any time but they seem out of place in the summer.

6. I feel out of place in Philly right now since most nights have been spent at the shore recently. I do love those off season sights...kids running by on the beach as part of their sports teams practice, this lady on a bike with her dog running behind her (he goes in the basket when they get to a populated area).

7. Every year I buy this crap for MFD. Not a fan.

8. Happy happy birthday to my nephew Drew and my brother Swan today.

9. Reminder:

10. Ecards...and I hate when I find one I like and it's a poor resolution.

What's burning through your brain this week? 

What appears after the hyphen in Thursday Thoughts is a song lyric to whatever I'm listening to when I start to write the post. This week I was late writing it Wednesday nightand listening to nothing so the lyric is from my nail polish color - Hotel California by The Eagles...when I got In the car this morning, that’s the song that was on so it was meant to be

How is this my life?

I've asked myself that question so many times with different emotional inflections in my inner voice. 

With exhaustion when things are too much. 

With disbelief when crazy shit happens.

With uncertainty in those really dark times when it seems like there is no light.

With rage when I have to deal with situations I don’t want to deal with. 

With disappointment when I’ve fucked something up and need to dig myself out of a hole. 

With frustration when things go wrong and set off a chain reaction of shit.

With resignation when there’s traffic late at night when there shouldn’t be. 

With gratitude for my framily. They make my whole life. 

With appreciation when something in the universe manifests exactly for me. 

With wonder when I realize that my life at the shore is actually my life. 

With a feeling of pure joy bubbling up in my chest when I think of how many things are so fucking good. 

The last four are my favorite. 

Happy birthday to Jen, my oldest friend. I've been friends with her since I was three.