Commenting on the Khaleesi in Game of Thrones
Me: Wow, she’s got a lot of bronzer on
MFD: Did you ever stand in the heat of a dragon? It’ll bronze you real quick.
Me: It’s tv makeup. You know that right? She didn't actually stand in the heat of a dragon.
MFD: You don't know that.
Watching Hoarders
MFD: Steph, I think I’m going to start collecting dolls.
Me: I hate dolls.
MFD: What kind of dolls would you like me to start collecting first? American dolls?
Me: They’re called American GIRL dolls, and no to ALL dolls.
MFD: Dolls are coming.
Me: I can’t believe you didn’t get any frozen appetizers.
MFD: I had no room. I was holding everything.
Me: Rookie mistake to go into Target without a basket.
MFD: An intentional mistake. An intentional maneuver, actually. Money saving maneuver.
Puts on Benjamin Button
Me: No.
MFD: Steph, you’re reading and I've been wanting to watch this movie since it came out.
Me: No.
MFD: I’ll Be 90 and Benjamin Button myself before I see it if I don’t watch it now.
Me: That’s fine, I’ll be dead then and won’t care.
We are out of hot coffee so MFD is drinking my batch of iced coffee
Me: Mae needs to go out.
MFD: Now I have to go outside in the snow with this ice cold coffee
Me: I do it all the time.
MFD: It’s probably warm for you with your ice cold heart.
Me: Yes it is! That's right.
Eating burnt microwave popcorn
MFD: I might have to make another one.
Me: Yeah, it’s burnt.
MFD: It tastes like college.
Me: Are you going to make grilled cheese too?
MFD: Grilled cheese does not go with split pea soup.
Me: It's cheese and bread...melted and toasted. It goes with everything.
MFD: No.
Me: Are you going to make grilled cheese too?
MFD: Grilled cheese does not go with split pea soup.
Me: It's cheese and bread...melted and toasted. It goes with everything.
MFD: No.
Me: We need to get Gus a wheelchair
MFD: You know he has you so wrapped around his little finger
that for the rest of his life you are going to be carrying him all over the
house and the neighborhood and the shore in this little chair and people are
going to be feeding him grapes and he’s going to say my mom does my bidding
Me: That's not true. Grapes are poisonous to dogs I would never let people feed him grapes.
MFD: That's all you can dispute.
During an ice event
MFD: I don’t know what people are bitching about, I
didn’t fall once
Me: I fell! It’s slippery!
MFD: Nope! Not with Yaktrax on.
Me: Mike. When you put the toilet paper on
MFD: I know, put it on the right way.
Me: Yes, so it pulls over from the top.
MFD: That’s the wrong way. It’s easier to tear off from the bottom
Me: After 14 years of living together...this is madness.
All read and approved by MFD before they go live...
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Well he's not wrong about Target!
ReplyDeleteomg I hope he doesn't get any dolls, they're terrifying.
I laughed at the iced coffee one, John says the same about me :)
LOL I do the same thing sometimes when I go into Target so I don't accidentally spend all of my money.
ReplyDeleteYou guys are the best! How about a reality tv show for you guys?
ReplyDeleteLol lol. I’m the Mike Doyle in this house. Lol on all❣️ Happiest Friday and weekend to all ❣️
ReplyDeleteLove. Your. Momma.
I do the same thing at target but then I just manage to carry a boat load of shit anyway. Whats actually more helpful is to have two kids and a shopping cart - there's no room, time or sanity to overspend. And yaktrax is what us runners use so we don't eat it in the winter. They are about double the price right now compared to what they usually are. Happy f'in Friday. I should have known this week was going to be some Bullshit - haha!
ReplyDeleteI have so many American Girl Dolls but, like you, my husband would lose his shit if I put them around our house. Hahaha.
ReplyDeleteI do the no cart restriction at Marshalls/HomeGoods and ALWAYS regret it.
K's response would've been the exact same to the dog worshiping remark. Hahaha. It's why we love them ;)
I wish mine would just put the damn toilet paper on the roll. UGH.
Not the toilet paper debate. Relationships have ended on such things.
ReplyDeleteDolls are coming totally cracked me up.,& terrified me
I pulled the no basket thing the other day at Marshalls, worked like a charm! Ugh the toilet paper is the worst, men don't use it as much as us and they just don't understand! Oh my god the thought of the dolls has me itching. Have a nice weekend!
ReplyDeleteI so needed the laugh so thank you to MFD for providing them. And in his defense, you don't know FOR SURE that she didn't stand in front of a dragon. LOL! Have a great weekend!
ReplyDeleteI love the Benjamin Button one hahaha, but all are priceless!
ReplyDeleteI LOLed at "MFD: It’s probably warm for you with your ice cold heart."
ReplyDeleteAhhh the great toilet paper debate! I always always always switch it when at someone's house and see it coming out from underneath instead of on top. Always :-P
ReplyDeleteLOL @ Benjamin Button! I agree with MFD on the soup one, and I may actually have to try that trick next time I'm in Target. Oh man, the toilet paper. Like Kate, I always switch it too! At least it's not nail clippers or thermostat wars this round?!
ReplyDeleteIt tastes like college. LOLOLOL!
ReplyDeleteHow do you know that the dragon wouldn't bronze your face?? hahahaha And omg nothing is more ridiculous than toilet paper from the bottom. That is not how it goes!!!! No no no no no.
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ReplyDeleteSweet jesus I died at, "That's all you can dispute."
ReplyDeleteMy mother in law has a creeoy doll in the basement. It sits on the bench and you see it right when you walk down. I hate it! Also you haven't seen creepy until you work in a museum with vent dolls. I tried not to make eye contact. terrifying.
ReplyDeleteThe best "dolls are coming." He is right about Target. "Warm from your ice cold heart" & "this taste like college" hilarious.
ReplyDeleteLOL ice cold heart warmth is the best kind of warmth. He sounds exactly like my husband on that nonsense about Benjamin Button. The head of my department in college built a contraption with wheels so his dog could sit on it and he could pull her around when her back legs are started giving out. I foresee this for Gus. Minus the grapes.
ReplyDeletehaha we used to wear Yaktrax in Alaska...it doesn't matter what I'm doing, if there's a movie or show on that I don't like as background noise. Benjamin Button wasn't impressive, anyway.
ReplyDeleteHaha such clever comments! The dolls are coming remark is scary! lol Emily @ Martinis & Bikinis
ReplyDeleteoh dear god, the toilet paper. also "It tastes like college." -- YES. weirdly accurate.
ReplyDeleteWord on the street is that my cold heart can chill wine. I'm proud of it.
ReplyDeleteThe grapes though! That was awesome.
This is surely one of the very best 'Shit MFD said' posts ever. With your ice cold heart, you may not realize it.
ReplyDelete