G is for get your shit together. My to do lists have to do lists and I am jamming some shit out today, come hell or high water. MFD bailed me out on two separate errands yesterday because I fucked up the times.
I is for I want a new phone, all of my photos look like shit and I swear they did that on purpose to make people want to upgrade. I'm thinking of a Google Pix 2. I've only ever had an iPhone. Will the switch be horrible?
F is for Franken. You didn't think I'd let this go without comment because his politics match mine, did you? I'm disappointed in groping Al, but as a 40 year old woman who has lived on this earth and had countless incidents of uninvited touching in bars in my early 20s, many by guys who are otherwise nice, I can't say I'm surprised. I like the work Al has done in the Senate, but I believe the woman. The bullshit women have put up with since the dawn of time is not a partisan issue, in fact it's not even a political issue. It's a human issue.
I think this is a good conversation to have, and I think a lot of us are having conversations. Me and MFD are, me and my BFFs are, it’s topical in my progressive groups. We are all approaching this from different directions, similar to the conversations we're now having about pervasive and systemic racism.
Where is the line? What do we want going forward? All of this has made me think of so many things I’ve forgotten about for years. I don’t want to crucify any person who grabbed my ass in a bar without permission. As a logical person, I recognize an ass grab in a bar is different than sexual harassment in the work place which is different than sexual assault etc etc.
The patriarchy is on shaky ground but most positions of power are still occupied by men. It feels like the system is folding in on itself while those in power claw to keep it. It's alarming in that it's the only thing we've ever known so the toppling naturally frightens us because on the whole we fear change; and it's awesome in that everything can change: all the attitudes and the behaviors. I think we're on the cusp of something huge but women AND male allies need to keep smashing...even when it hits people they like.
Just to be clear, no one expects another person to have never done or said anything wrong. We are human. We are imperfect. We fuck up and we hurt each other. I hear a lot of grown men being like man...I should not have done that in my teens/early to mid 20s, I know better now. After acknowledgement, that's the key - you know better, so you do better. I don't want to berate you or shame you for not knowing better then. That does nothing for me, you, or the world. You atone by teaching your kids and your male counterparts how to support and value women and actually supporting them with your actions, not just your words. Of course I hear some What, now that's wrong? They can't take a joke? We can't flirt? etc. from those clinging to the old ways. You can flirt. You can still talk about WYLTF without devaluing and debasing them as people, without it being okay for it the conversation to devolve into grab her by the pussy (sad that that's like a national American phrase now), implying force or against will. I think that's the line, isn't it? Everyone is a sexual being. It's how you value the bodily autonomy of others. And it's teaching that concept of bodily autonomy at a young age, to ALL kids regardless of sex.
What you cannot do is touch someone without permission, and you are learning that there are consequences to doing so. Finally. You also cannot ever ever ever engage in anything remotely sexual with a minor. That…that is definitely in the set the world on fucking fire zone and I’d rather pee on the scorched earth next to you than give you a drop of relief. Equating Roy Moore's multi-offense pedophilia with Al Franken's boorish groping shows how partisanship in this country has eroded our decency and common sense and highlights our desire to be right and win at all costs - even when the cost comes on the backs of women and young girls.
We're ALL learning - we were all raised in a misogynist culture. Women battle the same long-held cultural and societal notions of what they should just deal with as men battle those things that are okay for them to do. Things are changing and there will be growing pains all around. It's going to be uncomfortable but it won't be forever. It will be easier if we give ourselves and others trying to find new ways of being some grace.
Maybe we could start by not having magazines like W name a 13 year old as sexiest actress? Come the fuck on now. Hand me my hose of fire.
T is for toodleoo, mofos. Incidentally I learned from Lauren yesterday that MFD's Venmo name has MOFO in it. I got a good laugh out of that. I hope you have many good laughs this weekend!
Happy happy birthday to Denise, who has been framily to me since she was born.
