Shit MFD Said Vol. 42

MFD: Steph. You should be in the FBI.

Me: Why?

MFD: I just think so.

Me: No.

MFD: Why not?

Me: I don't like perps. Or guns.

MFD: That's too bad. I think you'd be a good fit. 

Me: I honestly can't believe I'm asking this but do you have nail clippers here?

MFD: ha ha. I don't know

On the beach

MFD: Do you have a pen?

Me: No.

MFD: Why not?

Me: Does this look like an office? Why do you need a pen?

MFD: I wanted to write you a note. To share an observation.

Me: You could just tell me.

MFD: No.
he was afraid people would hear him...I could barely hear him

Coming home from Hank's 40th

MFD: It was nice to see everyone.

Me: It was!

MFD: I didn't take any pictures.

Me: Me neither.

MFD: Pics or it didn't happen so I guess it didn't happen.

Getting ready to leave for the shore

MFD: Do we have an iron there?

Me: Nope. Have you ever been there?

MFD: oof

A few minutes later

MFD: We do have wrinkle release there, right? Hon?

Me: Yes mike. You've used it there many times.

Me: What is this movie?

MFD: Just some kid's coming of age movie.

Me: What's the name of it?

MFD: I don't know.

Me: The remote is right next to you.

Presses guide, I see Stephen King's it, he is grinning

Me: No. No no no fucking way.

MFD: It's day!

Me: No.

MFD: It's fake.

Me: No. There's a terrifying clown with razor teeth, the image of my worst nightmares, that lives in a fucking drain.

MFD: So turn it off then?

Gets up and runs downstairs, out the door down there, and back inside

Me: What are you doing?

MFD: I have to go pick up a seller's disclosure.

Me: Why did you go downstairs and out that door instead of just going out the front?

MFD: I'll be back

A few seconds later

Amplified voice outside SLOW DOWN

I get up and see him standing on our street with a megaphone

Me: Mike!

MFD: 

uncontrollable laughter

Me: Mike!

MFD: What? If they're not speeding, I won't say anything to them 

Later

Me: Are you going to do this every night?

MFD: Maybe.

Later

MFD: I'm leaving this megaphone at the front door.

Me: Maybe you should get a sandwich board sign too.

MFD: Yeah I was thinking that.

Me: I was just kidding.

MFD: Not me.

All read and approved by MFD before they go live...
Shit MFD Said Vol 1, Shit MFD Said Vol 2, Shit MFD Said Vol 3, Shit MFD Said Vol 4
Shit MFD Said Vol 5, Shit MFD Said Vol 6, Shit MFD Said Vol 7, Shit MFD Said Vol 8
Shit MFD Said Vol 9, Shit MFD Said Vol 10, Shit MFD Said Vol 11, Shit MFD Said Vol 12, Shit MFD Said Vol 13, Shit MFD Said Vol 14, Shit MFD Said Vol 15, Shit MFD Said Vol 16, Shit MFD Said Vol 17, Shit MFD Said Vol 18, Shit MFD Said Vol 19, Shit MFD Said Vol 20, Shit MFD Said Vol 21, Vol 22, Vol 23, Vol 24, Vol 25, Vol 26, Vol 27, Vol 28, Vol 29, Vol 30, Vol 31, Vol 32, Vol 33, Vol 34, Vol 35, Vol 36, Vol 37, Vol 38, Vol 39, Vol 40, Vol 41

Thursday Thoughts - why isn't teleportation a thing yet?

1. Technology is amazing. Remember that nail in my tire? The tire sat flat all weekend. Monday night, MFD plugged this contraption in that was in the wheel well, pumped it up, and drove it 15 minutes to Tire City without a problem. So is changing tires roadside not a thing anymore unless they're shredded, or should I only drive volvos for eternity so I never have to worry about it again?

2. This sign makes me want to try this place. Even though I was on my way there to get a watch battery, which is what it was like five minutes ago. I swear, new stuff is always popping up.

3. If you're like me, you have been wondering how the fuck people can outright not believe facts, or actually see things on video and still not believe them. If you've wonder how people can not give a shit about education, how they can justify racism, how they can fear everything because they believe any propaganda you put in front of them, and how they can do all of these things and still call themselves good and righteous Christians, this is for you. An Insider's View: The Dark Rigidity of Fundamentalist Rural America.

4. Remember this guy? Of course now that he is supporting a bill with draconian and inhumane cuts to medicaid he doesn't tweet about Medicaid anymore. I sure hope no one voted for him because of promises like this. MAGA, am I right? How the fuck do people still support this lying conman? He doesn't even make it hard to point out his hypocrisy - all you have to do is search his Twitter account. But you show people this and...crickets. It is okay to say no after you've said yes, everyone. You can change your mind and stop the madness. This applies to more than one scenario in life. And sure, this was a campaign promise, and sometimes they don't fulfill those...but they usually do make a show of fighting against Congress about it. Not a fucking peep about the Medicaid devastation evil Mitch McConnell and his slimy bag of white male turdweasels are serving up as a healthcare bill that is really a tax cut for the rich who don't even fucking want it because it's inhumane and insane.

5. Because this is where I am right now...this healthcare bill? It is a shitbrick for absolutely everyone. People will DIE. And SUFFER. Terribly. And some people are okay with that. I have been saying for a few months that it goes beyond politics for me in this political landscape. Here is exactly why: I Don't Know How to Explain To You That You Should Care About Other People. There is a divide that has nothing to do with politics and everything to do with the type of society I want to live in that some other people do not want to live in. I do not want to live in a society where people don't care if other people die and suffer terribly on their way out. This healthcare issue is killing me and I am a healthy (for now) person - I truly can't imagine the rage and fear people who will be more affected than me are feeling.

6. My mom came over last night and brought me some stuff she picked up for me at Sam's and a Lee's hoagie and took a zillion magazines off of my hands. Win win win.

7. I picked up library books Tuesday and actually managed to listen to myself and hold off on reading one for about two hours...which is as long as it took to clean up the lakes of water throughout the basement from an overflowed sink basin and have the same fight we have every time this happens once a year. By the end we were both laughing because we seriously don't have it in us anymore. I bought some vacation essentials: sunscreen and new nail polish and some other necessities and placed a panic order on Amazon.

8. I have extreme guilt right now. Geege was supposed to get his teeth done in June and the month totally roared past me. And now it can't get done for another two weeks because I'm going on vacation and I know they're bothering him.

9. Reminder:

10. E-card of the week. Hotdog hotdog hot diggity dog

Happy birthday to my cousin Courtney!

Keeping up with life

Steph mentioned doing a keeping up with life post, as in how she does it, and given that that's something that interests me, I thought I'd do the same and straight up stole her idea. See her part two post here. It also interests a lot of you: I frequently get comments on how does so much get done, how do I stay on top of things, etc. The short answer is the best I can. LOL The easiest way to explain how is to show a typical week. The only thing that's not really typical here is that I wouldn't return from the shore on Sunday.

Since I'm at the shore every weekend, most of my to dos happen on weeknights and the majority of each weekend aside from Saturday between 10 and noon is spent relaxing. Productivity is absent for most of the weekend. Since buying the shore house, I've shifted my approach to life. It's not all as tidy as it used to be or run as smoothly and I'm okay with that.

I should also note that Linda, our cleaning lady, came on June 9. She comes every two weeks so I have stopped doing the heavy lifting there. I used to do all of my cleaning on weekends. Then I interspersed it throughout the week. Then I got resentful because I felt like I was doing all of it so MFD agreed to pay for a cleaning lady in lieu of hearing me bitch about chore inequity. And this is what works for us now. I used to clean more the weeks Linda didn't come, but I've dropped back to basic maintenance.  I just don't have the energy and dust or dog hair is not going to kill me. 

In the hour or hour and a half that I'm "doing things" every night, I'm mostly puttering. So while I'm doing those tasks in that time span, I am not working diligently. I enjoy doing that - being in the kitchen, putting things in order, walking around my house. I like to sit on the couch and all, but if I sat on the couch for three hours every night I'd go nuts. I'm a doer, I like doing things. I'm so used to doing what I call my daily dos that I barely even realize I do them anymore. I had to legitimately take notes to do this post.

This exercise also made me realize just how little TV I watch these days and how I am sorely lacking in a little actual exercise every day aside from walking.

I made special note of letting the dogs out this morning because I do not let them out in the morning unless MFD is not home. He is the morning guy. Also not included on these is that as soon as I get home each day, they go out back. As soon as they're done, they eat. Then I go about my business. They are always tended to first. 

Aside from going to a farm market, Aldi, or Sam's, I purchase as much as I can online and have it delivered so I'm not wasting my time running errands. Time is money and I will pay shipping or a higher price online than I would in store if it saves me time and aggravation at night. At the shore, I typically walk to do errands, which makes it less aggravating.

In regards to laundry, MFD does his. I do mine and household laundry, which is our sheets from home and shore, our towels from home and shore, towels we leave for renters at the shore, any blankets, etc.

I can absolutely always get myself moving by setting my timer for 20 or 30 minutes. Shit on bad days I'll set it for 10. I usually always go beyond that timer because I'm like ah I can just finish this off. And I do and feel better. Accomplishing what I set out to do, no matter how small, is satisfying to me.  It's hard for me to relax if what I wanted to get done is not done.

I fucking hate when I forget my lunch.

I maybe should have explained my commute - I give myself 15 minutes to get to the train station, parked, and to the platform. It's a park & ride so I either have a few minute walk or a short shuttle ride to my car. The walk is longer at the end of the day because we pull in on the other side. My train ride is 35-45 minutes depending on how long we sit at various spots waiting for signals. I emerge from the train station, hit Dunkin Donuts, and walk a short block to my office.

We also have a cleaning crew at the shore, because I don't work all week to spend two hours on Saturday cleaning up after someone else's vacation. I have my things I check and address during turnover, but Karen and team do a great job for us and I feel better having a professional come in to present new guests with a clean home to relax in. 

And repeat. I try to make it a point to have one very productive night a week and one mildly productive night. I figure one night is going to be lazy and one night I'll probably have to be somewhere outside of my house. And on the fifth night I do what I can and then head to the shore later. I have a loose schedule of each week ready to go on Sunday. I feel like I'm starting it off right. 

How about you? Do you do most of your life maintenance during the week or on weekends? 

Happy birthday to my brother-in-law Marcus Aurelius today!

June Recommendations

Things I'm loving

1. If you are an iced tea drinker, may I suggest making it with this? We are consuming it like it's going out of style. 

2. OOFOS - When you get older, sometimes you need to wear uglier shoes. If I'm just sitting around I'm all about my pretty, barely there flip flops. If I am walking, these are where it's at. They have incredible arch and heel support. Thanks to Laura for introducing me to them!

3. Dave's Killer Bread - I am typically not a fan of good for you bread. If you're not either, chances are you might like this. 

4. Get outside. In the shade or with sunscreen on. But just get outside away from the computer screen, TV screen, and while you might use your phone to snap photos or post a pic on Instagram, put it down after doing that. Get outside and BE outside. 

5. I recommend you never diminish yourself to make others feel more comfortable. 

I'm linking up with Lauren & Bre for their Add it to my list linkup, which they're doing the last Tuesday of every month. 

What have you been using or doing lately that I might want to add to my list?

Linking up with Lauren & Bre

TWTW - the sinking into summer one

1: Screwed sums up Friday night. MFD pulled my car into the driveway after I discovered a screw in my tire and it was flat before we left. It could have started the weekend off on a bad note but we chose to say fuck it, we'll deal with it Monday. So that's a problem to address tonight. 

2: Late arrival at the shore didn't stop Gus from getting up at zero dark thirty Saturday insisting on a walk so he could then sleep like the dead for the rest of the morning.

3: Electric skillet + toaster breakfast

4: Turnover included kitchen cabinet repair and doorknob replacement for MFD and aside from my usual hand soap/towels/stock coffee filters etc replenishment gig, mermaid repair for me

5: A long bike ride back by the bay...longer than I thought, my arms and face should have had sunscreen reapplied

6: Heavy re-hydration

7-9: MFD had showings about an hour away so I hit the beach solo from 3 to 6:30. Hot, pretty, windy. New book: Brutal Youth. 

10-11: We headed up to Corson's Inlet around 7:30 so MFD could fish. We were getting eaten alive in our first spot

12: So we moved to the other side, which required traipsing through water around trees twice (we came from the area past where MFD is standing, see video here)

13: Better viewpoint for the sunset, though

14: A quiet and incredible Magic Hour

15: Since we were there so late and had to walk the dogs when we got home, an ice cream donut sandwich was dinner. Hashtag no regrets. 

16-18: Sunday sunrise. Have I ever mentioned that summer sunrises are not my favorite? Fall are probably my tops, then spring, then winter, then summer. 

19: I am considering strapping a go pro to Mae because she is insane. She gets up and out for a walk by 6 am and has lost her mind by 6:01

20 - 21: Early morning porch time is the best time

22: When I said what should we do today and MFD said let's take a ride I should have taken Highway to Hell on the radio as an omen

23: An hour later greenhead flies landed on our car immediately as we pulled up in Fortescue, a little fishing village on the Delaware Bay in Cumberland County

24: Aside from the hellbeast greenhead flies, there were eleventy billion horseshoe crabs rolling in the surf and horsehoe flies on the beach

25: I sat in the car after getting ripped to shreds by flies while MFD valiantly tried to fish for 15 minutes before beating a hasty retreat into the car

26: Stopped at a roadside stand on the way back (those are hothouse tomatoes, real jersey tomatoes are not in yet) and after a nice reminiscing over the Green Grocer who used to appear on the local news, the old lady told us she watches Fox now "to get all sides of the story." Check please.

27: MFD worked for a few hours so I snoozed with the dogs

28-30: MFD still wanted to fish since the morning attempt was flied out, so we headed down to the North End with hoagies from Sack o' Subs in tow for a beach dinner.  I finished a book and started another. 

31 - 33: I got my ass up on that concrete bridge thing even though I'm not as spry as I used to be to check out the views, graffiti (not much) and the view of our spot in the sun

34: I love when I'm sitting on the beach and it looks like the sun is shining right for me

35: Dune flowers

36: We got home around 7:30 early enough to give unfortunately Mae a bath. She has to sit for 10 minutes with her special shampoo on. Cue the rage.

Since MFD was with me and we only had one car, we left Sunday night at 9:30. Psych! We only got four blocks before we had to pull over so MFD could clean Gus's puke up from the backseat. 

Oooh! I did make scrambled eggs Sunday morning for this week's breakfasts, which I will have with steamed broccoli. Lunch is PBJ on Dave's Killer Bread. Snacks are peaches, cucumbers, and bell peppers. Dinners are hotdogs and grilled chicken with macaroni salad. Or tomato sandwiches. Summer, you know? 

I should have started at 1 in every group of pics. Next time.

Busy week ahead. We got this, you guys.

Linking up with Biana at B Loved Boston for Weekending

Seasonal Goals - Summer

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For the past year or more, Sara and I have done a seasonal goals linkup. This is the last of those for us for differing reasons. Me? I am still assimilating to splitting life at the shore and home - yes, nearly two years later, still assimilating.

Outside of this linkup, I've been on the seasonal goals boat for more than a few years. It started to feel tight to me last year, and it was because my goals are no longer seasonal. Instead of forcing myself to march to the same beat I've always marched to, when things stop working for me, I stop doing them. Hence the end of my seasonal goal setting and, by extension, this linkup. Seasonal goals are dunzo for the moment.

So this is not a summer goals list, but I will report in on how I did on my Spring Goals -

1. Shore work: paint third floor rooms at the shore; replace ground floor porch railings and paint concrete on the porch; paint trim on main floor in house; evaluate air conditioner in the efficiency. DONE. With the addition of replacement of carpet on the third floor and painting trim on the second and third floors in the main house too. 

2. Get back to a Monday or Wednesday night zumba class. FAIL. I haven't, and I have no excuse. 

3. 30 days of yoga. Done! I shocked myself with this one. Honestly when I made it it was sort of pie in the sky. 

4. Check out a new Farmers' Market. Done! Ventnor City so far in the spring, more to come in the summer. 

5. Go through clothes and get rid of anything I didn't wear this winter. I did this, but I feel the need to do it again. I don't think I was as heartless as I needed to be. 



This summer, my main goal is to learn how to take a nap without waking up with the attitude of a hellbeast troll. What's on your summer agenda?

Thursday Thoughts - look at my king all dressed in red

1. Iko iko un-day. The other day I spent a legitimate half hour looking up the origin of that song, and towards the end of that half hour I found myself on a freaking Grateful Dead fan site reading the comments section. I don't even like the Dead save for a few songs, and I certainly am not interested in immersing myself in their super fans. I backed the fuck away from the internet and went for a walk outside.

2. When something feels tight on my skin I know I need to make a change. Most summer TWTW posts will be pictures with phrases. I like being able to look back on weekends but I will take the summer off from being verbose about it.

3. If you get to Dunkin Donuts behind this guy in the morning, boy you are fucked. Because it means he's ordering for like 15 people.

4. A few people have asked my thoughts on Hillbilly Elegy. These were my biggest takeaways. I don't think it was the cultural phenomenon it was hyped to be. I was also interested in the commentary Vance made on the decline of hard work and how people are bitching up a storm about things they're doing themselves but that they consider themselves the exception to the rule. Interested because that appears to be what HE is doing and the hypocrisy is unsurprising but still fucking annoying.

5. Newsflash: if you are anti-abortion but also anti- full health coverage for pre-and post-natal care, anti-full (longer than 6 or 8 freaking weeks, that's for sure) and PAID maternity leave, anti-higher minimum wage, anti-equal pay for equal work, anti-public schools, anti-TANF, anti-Medicare, anti-HUD public housing, anti-SNAP, anti-WIC, anti-National School Lunch Program/Breakfast Program/Team Nutrition/Milk Program, anti-head start and early start, etc...then stop calling yourself pro-life. You are pro-birth. You are into controlling women's choices on the front end and blaming them for failing alone on the back end.

The United States is the only country in the developed world where the Maternal Mortality Rate is RISING. Our MMR is on par with Saudi Arabia's - that country we like to wave around like "Hey ladies, stop bitching, you have rights and you have it better than the women in Saudi Arabia." Why, because we can wear makeup? GTFO. 13 white men are cutting women's healthcare behind closed doors as we speak.

From the article Why a Pro-Life World has a Lot of Dead Women in It: "Pretending that women should remain quiet on the topic of their rights because women have it worse in other countries is absurd. We do not live in other countries. This argument should carry all the weight of a C student, who, when told to do better by their parents, replies by shouting, “I could be getting Fs! I could be shooting heroin into my eyeballs!” Which is to say, it should carry no weight at all."

Read it.

6. When an opinion piece on the National Review calls the Philando Castile Verdict a Miscarriage of Justice, you fucking KNOW it was. Of course, in the comments, people are defending it. We are sitting on a powder keg and people still don't know why there is a Black Lives Matter movement. Yesterday was the 53rd anniversary of the Freedom Summer Murders and I don't think a damn thing has changed because people still carry so much hate in their hearts. 53 years is enough time for that to go away except people are teaching it to their children so it is not going away. But enough of that. Let's talk about the murder of Nabra Hassanen, a 17 year old who had just left extra prayers at a Mosque during the last 10 days of Ramadan. Was it because she was Muslim? They seem to think not and it's not being investigated as a hate crime at this time...but man, we've made them pretty easy targets, haven't we? Reminder: hate has no home here, motherfuckers.

7. This guy is my America. Watch this ad for Randy Bryce who is running against Paul Ryan in 2018. "If someone falls behind, we are so much stronger if we carry them with us. That's the way I was raised." Made me cry at my desk, no shame.  The cherry on top...his twitter handle is IronStache. Can you even?

8. Things that take me from zero to murderous rage in under three seconds:

9. Tomorrow is the seasonal goals linkup with me & Sara if you're interested! Graphic grab:

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10. Reminder:

11. E-card of the week. 

Summer is...

Early morning bird chatter

Grilled chicken all the time

Walking barefoot

Tomato sandwiches

A sea breeze saving an afternoon

Hanger having two meanings: hungry and angry& hot and angry

Woodsmoke on the wind on cool nights

Shore traffic

Realizing bugs are coming back

Shedding dogs / Panting dogs

Peaches, plums, watermelon, cantaloupe

Fucking fireworks

Eau de city: hot pee and hot trash

Flowers in bloom

Throwing on a dress and going

Thrum of cicadas

Soft serve ice cream

Saying fuck it a lot more

Farmstands

Losing track of time

Graduations and the feeling of in between that follows you even into adulthood

Skies on fire morning and night

Many hours on the beach

Open windows

Huge hair that humidity has turned into a planet with plenty of Uncle Larrys curling around it in the swampy steam

Lawnmower chorus producing a freshly mowed neighborhood cologne

Clicks of roller coasters and excited screams

Bike rides

Flags waving

Bug spray

The scent of Coppertone riding the back of seaspray

Sand everywhere

Reading outside

What is summer to you?