Have you guys seen A Mighty Wind? It's my second favorite of the Christopher Guest mockumentaries I love so much. Anyway, there's this bit from it that sticks with me in which one of the characters says Hey, wha' happened!?
I say it a lot, typically in a week like this when I feel like I have a good grasp of what's coming before it all comes tumbling down like a John Cougar Mellencamp lyric.
I set myself up for it good this time, boy. I spent four days and five nights at the shore, where I don't watch the clock and am more apt to run my day according to where the sun is in the sky. I was alone from Thursday night until Sunday at noon, sinking slowly and resolutely into myself and just being, which I love to do. I never turned the TV on and was lost in four different books during that time. I mostly drifted along aimlessly with very few cares. I have a loose routine down there (come on, I'm still me), but loose is the key word.
How I live down the shore when I'm not spending my free time doing the necessary shore chores is so different from how I live here that it's a jolt to get back to reality when I'm down there longer than a weekend. Uncomfortable, too, like trying to fit in skin that's suddenly become too tight. It's a physical disengagement just as much as it is a mental one - there I park my car and never get in it again until I leave unless we leave town, which we rarely do. I walk or ride my bike everywhere. I spend a lot of time on the beach or just outside in general. I miss that when I'm here. But life is in two places and I need to figure out how to make it work best for me, which includes working from down there some days and coming back at the crack of dawn Monday mornings.
Of course I woke up yesterday and thought it was Monday, like the rest of America. I drove home from the shore in the morning for the second week in a row, and I quite like it. It allows me to be mindlessly productive - get laundry in. Tend to flowers. Get ready for work. Feed dogs. Stuff I don't need to plan or think about but can do on autopilot as soon as I walk in the door. I was feeling good, had some stuff done early, and strode into work purposefully with an iron grip on my coffee. I was going to rock it today.
I opened my planner and thought hey, wha' happened!?
Where did these appointments come from?
Oh that's due.
Shit I forgot that was coming up.
That should have been done last week. Must follow up immediately.
Whyyy are my library books due today, it's going to rain and I need to haul ass over there!
Fuck I need to get those birthday cards in the mail.
Do I have any blog posts scheduled for this week?
That fucker never got back to me!
What kind of groceries do we need?
Wait, what do the dogs need? Let me take care of that order first.
Maybe just ramen this week. No?
The IT department needs to do what tomorrow?
Do I have to do that or can that wait until next week?
etc. etc.
My home persona is appalled at this as she is never unprepared. My shore persona is all take a nap, it'll be fine. I need those two bitches to meet in the middle. I had high hopes for last night but alas, I ate ramen for dinner and fell asleep on the couch by 9.
Happy Wednesday...it is Wednesday, right?
Nature like at the shore controls the senses. It as you says demands your attention. Good for you heeding the call when you can.
ReplyDeleteyour shore life sounds like the kind of life i want to live always!
ReplyDeleteIt IS Wednesday. My days are all mixed up too.
ReplyDeleteI hate when you realize the things you thought you had more time for are suddenly supposed to be done.
4 day weeks throw me off big time. Shore life sounds lovely in theory but the coming back to reality sounds like me when I return from vacation. I loathe the feeling of being unprepared or behind on stuff (how disorganized people live like that day in and day out I will never understand.) Hoping you find a nice middle ground somewhere in there. Or ya know, fuck it all and retire to the shore.
ReplyDeleteMy days are all confused and mixed up.
ReplyDeleteMy favorite is just being too, and unfortunately we never get enough of it. I'm so thankful for the long weekend, but I'm all mixed up this week too :-P
ReplyDeleteI love when you can forget all the scheduled things... & then when reality hits, its a SLAM DUNK on the brain.
ReplyDeleteIs it Wednesday? ... I'm still not sure.
One of my favorite Italian sayings is “Dolce far Niente“, which means “the sweetness of doing nothing.” The reality check sucks, that's for sure. I think you'll balance it out in time, you rock that way.
ReplyDeleteIf those two ladies meet in the middle, then you never genuinely get to relax because your mind will always race. Preparing for after a vacation ahead of time is what I always have to do so I can actually relax and not feel like a crazy person when I get back. I am so looking foward to beach, books and booze only in a month, your shore visits sound heavenly! Also love the title of this, one of my faves too.
ReplyDeleteThis weekend threw me off so hard. Throw in a shorehouse getaway and I'd have been fried. I went to bed at 8:45 on Monday night, was up with the one dog for thunder storms from 1-3am, and then slept sooo poorly until 7:20am (LATE) on Tuesday. Rough start to the week...
ReplyDeleteI love that movie.
ReplyDeleteI'm a permanent disorganized disaster despite not wanting to be so I have nothing helpful for you other than I understand the frustration
I love the balance - you need it. It's kind of like me on weekends vs weekdays. On weekends I don't wake up to an alarm, there's no structure, I come & go as I please. On the weekdays? Pfffft. Everything is routine, regimented and scheduled. I'm glad I have both. Too much of one side would make me NUTS.
ReplyDeleteLong weekends are so much needed to relax and unplug from everyday life but then again, like daylight savings, it can screw your whole schedule up or make you forget things on the agenda for the week ahead. I think your days at the shore were well worth the confusion!
ReplyDeleteUgh, that's the downside of long weekends! I was off Friday and Tuesday too and I am so out of sorts today. I'm calling it a wash and I'll start over again next week.
ReplyDeleteI love me best when I get to just "be." It's in those moments that I feel the most connected, the most free, the most balanced. Unfortunately, it seems those moments only occur over long breaks from work. I miss just "being" when school is in session. I desperately need to figure out a healthy balance so I can enjoy the benefits of just being all year long.
ReplyDeleteOmg... Fred Willard is so dang funny! Now I am going to be saying Hey Wha Happened all the time though. I think it's a blessing that you have 2 personas, can you imagine if you were all one or the other?
ReplyDeleteI feel like I would have the exact same problem with living a split life like that. It already happened to me over Memorial Day weekend because Jacob was actually off for two days and it was hot and sunny and we spent zero time at home. Tuesday morning was a mad dash to get homework done, sign permission slips, meal prep, etc.
ReplyDelete