I wasn't planning to close down the week with a blog post about how I threw up on a goddamn train but here we are. Yesterday one of my worst non-life shattering nightmares came true.
I felt off in the morning and thought maybe I hadn't had enough water the day before. I trudged into work and drank some Gatorade and ginger ale and a lot of water in case I was dehydrated. By around 11 I knew I needed to go home. The trains are running on the hour at that point in the day so I was stuck in my office until 12:04.
When I got to the train station, of course my train was 10 minutes late. I slumped over on a bench next to a mother and her son who could not stop talking about what they were going to have for lunch AND dinner. Breathe through it. Breathe through it.
The train was a local making every stop and the ride felt like it took place over the span of four years instead of just over 40 minutes. We were rolling up to the stop before mine when it happened. The unthinkable. The public puking as a not inebriated or hungover adult on public transportation.
I whipped out an empty Old Navy online order bag and dispersed all the liquid I consumed that morning into it. Four pukes in the less than three minutes between that stop and mine. I tried to be quiet and hold myself as still as possible.
Then it was done, and the only thing my stomach was full of was mortification.
The lady next to me was looking at me with a mixture of sympathy and horror. I briefly considered telling her I was pregnant to explain away the spontaneous public vomiting but instead wiped my mouth on the inside of my dress and apologized profusely for vomiting next to her on public transportation. She scooted out of the seat to give me a wide berth and I rolled my puke bag securely down and gathered up my shredded dignity to exit the train.
If anyone ever needs to throw up in public and then carry it around with them, I would like to suggest the Old Navy online order bag. It's strong and it doesn't leak.
Can I also take this opportunity to blame SEPTA? If the train hadn't been late, I would have made it to my stop and puked outside of the train. I would like to be able to blame someone. Right? I am against blame shifting but lord I need to blame someone for this. Just this once.
At home I slept for five hours. My eyes were closed before my head even hit the pillow. Can your body shut down from public shame? I think that happened. I was back in bed at 9:30 last night and woke up at 6 this morning feeling fine.
What a weird fucking day. One that I never, ever want to repeat. When you take public transport, your main fears are 1) bed bugs 2) accident 3) needing to puke 4) uncontrollable diarrhea. Out of the four of those, puking is the least horrifying and I hope it's the only one I ever have to deal with. Thank God it wasn't my regular train so I don't feel the need to don the paper bag of shame over my head for the foreseeable future.
Lessons learned:
1) do not travel without a solid, leak-proof bag
2) do not leave your computer at work so you feel the need to come in when you shouldn't
3) leave an hour before go time if you are sick at work
I haven't thrown up today, so it's already 470% better than yesterday.
Happy weekend!
