Shit MFD Said Vol 40

I don't care if it's blurry. I love it. My Geege looks like an old man boy.

Chicken cooking

MFD: I think that smells done.

Me: It's not done.

MFD: It is.

Me: If you'd like to get salmonella you can certainly eat it.

MFD: I've had salmonella. No big deal.

Flipping through the channels at the shore and finding a COPs marathon

MFD: ahhh, the mother lode.

In the car

MFD: I thought I had nail clippers in here. Do you have any in your purse?

Me: This isn't funny.

MFD: I did think I had some in here.

MFD: Steph. Do you want  to go Coachella?

Me: Why the fuck would I want to go to Coachella?

MFD: So you can wear those headbands everyone wears and take selfies.

Me: No.

Steepling his fingers at a traffic light

MFD: I think there's a conspiracy in our house.

Me: What do you mean?

MFD: I think someone is conspiring against me to hide all the nail clippers.

Me: Why are you talking to me about fucking nail clippers? Are you doing this on purpose?

MFD: They're like socks. They disappear.

Me: I don't care.

Me: Why do you rinse out the dishwasher cover and leave it in the sink so it can't dry and be used again? It makes me want to murder.

MFD: Well you know...sometimes you have to die.

After he got home from being out

Me: I shattered the pepper shaker tonight.

MFD: Was there pepper everywhere?

Me: Of course!

MFD: That's why I'm sneezing.

Me: You weren't even home and it was in the kitchen not out here.

MFD: It's in the atmosphere.

All read and approved by MFD before they go live...
Shit MFD Said Vol 1, Shit MFD Said Vol 2, Shit MFD Said Vol 3, Shit MFD Said Vol 4
Shit MFD Said Vol 5, Shit MFD Said Vol 6, Shit MFD Said Vol 7, Shit MFD Said Vol 8
Shit MFD Said Vol 9, Shit MFD Said Vol 10, Shit MFD Said Vol 11, Shit MFD Said Vol 12, Shit MFD Said Vol 13, Shit MFD Said Vol 14, Shit MFD Said Vol 15, Shit MFD Said Vol 16, Shit MFD Said Vol 17, Shit MFD Said Vol 18, Shit MFD Said Vol 19, Shit MFD Said Vol 20, Shit MFD Said Vol 21, Vol 22, Vol 23, Vol 24, Vol 25, Vol 26, Vol 27, Vol 28, Vol 29, Vol 30, Vol 31, Vol 32, Vol 33, Vol 34, Vol 35, Vol 36, Vol 37, Vol 38, Vol 39

Thursday Thoughts - what happened to April?

1. Tuesday morning I stepped into the elevator with a woman. I was digging around in my purse for my office key when I caught the tail end of, "wkjrojf smells so good." I said, "I'm sorry, what did you say?" She said, "Your coffee smells so good. I think it's your coffee. Unless you're wearing cologne that smells like coffee." Say what now? She was totally serious. I think it's the coffee, ma'am. Have a nice day now.

2. It's all fun and games until someone trips over the dog bowl and nearly breaks their face, which is a daily occurrence in our house. I don't know which ahole dog is trying to kill us or if they're all conspiring or what.

3. One week until my dentist appointment. Welcome to my personal march of doom countdown. Sit down! Relax. Enjoy. But don't google march of doom countdown. Weird things come up.

4. Is it Ellen who always wears sneakers with everything? That's going to be me soon. I have a real problem with athleisure shoes and sneakers at this time. I need to stop buying them.

5. Grumpy old men: pug edition.

6. Now that I'm at the shore most weekends, Wednesday night is sort of my hausfrau night. Last night I did some freezer cooking (finished up the breakfast burritos I started this weekend and made power breakfast muffins), changed the sheets and towels and did laundry. I've gone back to my pinterest love affair to figure my way out of this food rut and I don't care who knows. I'm in the process of laying waste to many of my boards on there, deleting a shit ton of things. So expect some revived weekly food prep around these parts. I hope.

7. The NFL draft is in Philly starting today. My walk to the library yesterday was not as pleasing as it normally is. People were in a hot rage over there, yelling at each other, cursing the construction on the Parkway near the draft, beeping. But the fountains are back on so it was a good day in my world. Except for the part where some angry woman gunned it through a stop sign crossing 19th Street and almost ran me over yesterday. She didn't care even a little bit.

8. If one goddamn program that helps citizens of this country is cut while that fucking bound to be ineffectual border wall gets funded and Cheeto Jesus's weekend trips to Mar-a-Lago and housing of his wife and child in New York at the expense of the taxpayers continue unchallenged and unabated, my head is going to spin off.

9. I feel a real need to fit in a quick trip to some Utah National Parks and the Grand Canyon because I don't know how this administration is going to attempt to fuck with federally protected lands. This executive order to review and remove protection from National Monuments so they can be drilled for oil and bullshit was one of my biggest fears from a Cheeto Jesus victory. This makes me sick to my stomach. Have these people never BEEN to the National Parks and Monuments great presidents had the foresight to protect under federal law throughout our history? So that we may see something as untouched as it's been for many years? No president has ever rolled back anything under protection of the Antiquities Act. This is fucking absurd at this point. So the rich get richer and all of our public land starts to look like the poor districts of the Hunger Games, abused and tapped out. Doesn't the president have anything more important to do, like fix the infrastructure and bring in bigly jobs like he promised? Why is he leaving those campaign promises until last and acting on the ones that benefit his businesses first? So weird, right? Crazy. It must be a coincidence.

10. E-card of the week: Tomorrow is National Super Hero Day (really). This one's for you golden gods:

You are the true heroes of the Internet. 

Linking up with Kristin & Joey 

Rape Culture: Know what it is and end your contributions to it

Since April is Sexual Assault Awareness Month, I kicked it off with some upsettling infographics and facts and I'm ending it with a post on rape culture. I'd rather talk about something else too, believe me, because I am sick to fucking death of banging this drum, but I will keep going until the rape culture is smashed. We've got to stop this shit and unfortunately it will take every single one of us to do it. 

To start, we can stop acting like rape culture is a popular new buzz phrase bitchy feminists have come up with in the past few years because they have no sense of humor. 

It's not. 

It's when sexual assault, rape, and general violence are ignored, trivialized, normalized, or made into jokes. If you think those things are a rarity or anything outrageous you hear about (Brock Turner) is a one-off or isolated situation, you're mistaken. And also fully immersed in rape culture. Because this shit happens every day and it has forever. Rape culture exists because we don't believe it does. 

And it's a very hard cycle to break from, even for women and feminists. We were raised in this culture. We've heard victim blaming on the news, read it in the papers and online. It's been around us since the beginning of time. We've said the things you should never say as an automatic reply to stories we hear. It's ingrained in us to not make a big deal out of things, to let it go, to look over our shoulders, to shrink in situations where we might be vulnerable, to think well why was she walking alone? 

On a very, very basic level:

What can you personally do to end rape culture? 

-Stop blaming the victim. It doesn't matter what she wore or how much she had to drink or where she chose to walk alone. She wasn't asking for it and she didn't deserve it. If the thought comes to mind, eradicate it. 

-Never, ever say well it wouldn't have happened if...

-Do not insult this issue with but what about women who cry rape. Seriously. Don't. For no other crime do we attempt to give the accused the benefit of the doubt. Imagine hearing well there are those kids who just say they were molested ...or I'm sure they didn't mean to break into your car, it was just a misunderstanding. Etc. 

-Cast off outdated ideas about sexuality. She wasn't asking for it because she's a person who's had sex. Stop calling women who have sex sluts and whores because they do it and like it when it's consensual. 

-Know women are full human beings with the right to bodily autonomy. 

-Recognize that most rape talk centers around female victims but that there are male and LGBTQIA victims as well and that if women are afraid to step forward as victims, those groups are even more so. 

-Don't laugh at rape jokes. 

-Teach your daughter to take up more room, not less, and that if anything ever happens she should come to you because you will believe her and fight for her. Find a self defense class but at the same time try not to be so heavy on the protect yourself message even though that goes against everything we as women know. It is every individual's job to protect themselves but girls should not have to be MORE careful than boys. 

-Teach your sons not to rape. Boys will be boys does not apply here. 

-Teach all kids about enthusiastic consent - it's not just about a no. It's about a conscious, enthusiastic yes. Flirting is not consent. 

-Speak up. Rape culture grows in silence. I've been on the end of you're too sensitive/it's a fucking joke when I've spoken up about rape jokes and that feeling sucks, for sure. But not saying anything and giving something pervasive, damaging, and ugly room to grow feels even worse. 

Reductress viciously satirizing rape culture to show how fucking insane it is:

Man Who Sexually Assaulted You Likes Your Facebook Post About Assault

'Most Women Lie About Rape,' Says Man Lying About Rape

Fun Summer Cocktails When They Ask You 'Well, What Were You Drinking?'

Which is what we all need to do: turn rape culture on its head and kick it in the ass on its way out the door. It's way past time. 

National Sexual Assault Hotline, accessible 24/7 via 1-800-656-HOPE or online.rainn.org. 

April Recommendations

Some things I think you should add to your list, if applicable:

1. Debbie Rae Designs bracelets - I wear the same earrings and necklace daily. I'm uncomfortable in rings. Bracelets are my thing. Debbie is one of my BFFs and I've been wearing her bracelets for years. Most people I give gifts to have received one as a gift - that's the highest mark of something I love, to give it to someone else. These are just a few of the ones I have. She has bracelets, necklaces, and earrings on her new website, and she does custom designs as well. Click here to get to her website.

2. KEEP Collective bracelets - Like Debbie's, I consider the KEEP bracelets and charms I have to be my totems. I wear a mix of Debbie's bracelets and KEEP bracelets. They're like symbolic personal armor or something. I don't like going out into the world without my totems. I buy KEEP through Tiffany. Mother's Day shipping cutoff is 5/6.

3. Eye creams - Where my old ladies at? In the morning I use R+F and at night I use Estee Lauder.

4. Yoga for Beginners 30 Day Challenge with Fightmaster Yoga - I am not a yogi. I'm not bendy, my brain doesn't stop going, and I don't want to spend a lot of time attempting to achieve some nirvana or be kumbayahing around town. I did this for 30 days and I loved it. If I loved it, you might love it.

5. Sunset and Sunrise App - If you're going to attempt to catch it and you're a dork like I am and like to get there a certain number of minutes before it comes up or goes down, this app is the closest to being on the nose. I've tried many sources. It's $1.99 on iTunes and it's worth your two bucks. 

I'm linking up with Lauren & Bre for their Add it to my list linkup, which they're doing the last Tuesday of every month. What have you been using or doing lately that I might want to add to my list?

Linking up with Lauren & Bre

TWTW - the first one home in a month

I almost forgot what it was like not doing a gaht damn thing Friday night, but my dogs helped me remember. Wings for dinner, frozen berries and some reading for dessert, and four episodes of Season 3 of Bosch.

We were equally lazy Saturday morning until it was time to go to the March for Science in Doylestown. We were originally going to the Philly March, but the Doylestown March was organized by high school students and helped by Rise Up Doylestown and many local sponsors and we felt the need to support them in that huge undertaking. Kids, you rock! And you give me hope for the future. It was a great day despite the damp cold and rain and I was really happy to see large turnouts in the 600+ science marches around the world even though media coverage of the marches sucked. Climate change has us all in the soup together. I made sure to rep Mother Earth in my choice of attire.

After that there was almost a massacre because I got hangry and I think we all know how that goes. We settled in at Andale Latino Grill in Feasterville for really freaking good food. It looks a little hole in the wall-ish but damn. It was delicious. I picked up a few things at the grocery store including $5 flowers and spent the night doing a face mask, purging dressers, and reorganizing for the spring/summer seasons.

Sunday morning I took care of the weekly food prep: breakfast is an egg bake with ham, cheese, and broccoli; lunch is pork chops over sweet potatoes and broccoli;  snacks are celery and PB, cucumbers, and yogurt; dinners are baked buffalo chicken pasta and salmon with steamed broccoli and rice. I also made the egg part I need for breakfast burritos to freeze. I'll finish making them this week.

Then we picked up our friend Bob and headed up to the Nakashima House to hear Regina Brave, Charles Whalen, and Loren Bagola speak. I met them along with the men's significant others and Regina's granddaughter the day before and had a total wow, I'm meeting fucking Regina Brave moment. She is a warrior for the sovereignty of the indigenous people and the energy coming off of her is tremendous. As a reader and a writer, I love to hear people tell their stories. It was wonderful to hear her tell the stories of her people. Not so wonderful are the stories themselves of what the US government has done to the native people. All three were an emotional listen - Regina with her stories of all the things she's seen in her 80+ years, Loren with his stories of violence he saw inflicted on the water protectors on the front lines at Standing Rock, and Charles with a mix of both of those things along with his thoughts on water and the environment and passive resistance. Standing Rock is not over. There are people still standing for the water, and they are out now speaking to spread their stories. There is a treaty. We are in violation. We need to listen. Here's Grandma Regina at Stanford last week. Not to mention that the water from the Missouri feeds the greenbelt. If that gets poisoned, we're all fucked. 

Charles at the Doylestown March Saturday / Regina Brave here and there / Charles & Regina at Nakishima Sunday

The Nakashima Complex is really beautiful and is open to the public on Saturday afternoons. If you're in the New Hope area, check it out. George Nakashima's story is pretty incredible too. It is fucking crazy to think one of the preeminent furniture designer-craftsmen in the U.S. was interned in a Japanese relocation center. The grounds and buildings are gorgeous and my fat ass sat in a Nakashima chair.

Other Sunday things: purging of the closets, reading, nail painting, Sunday night blues.

The only thing I needed to do this weekend was go to Target. The only thing I didn't do? Go to Target. You know how that goes. 

Linking up with Biana at B Loved Boston for Weekending

Reducing & Reusing

Tomorrow is Earth Day. Ways I try to reduce my impact on the environment:

1. Be cognizant of packaging. Plastic is bad, no matter how you spin it. I avoid things packaged in plastic when I can. Do I need produce bags? No. So I don't use them.

2. Don't use paper plates and plastic cups unless we have a large crowd. Which is hardly ever anymore.

3. Tote groceries in bags kept in trunks. I only accept plastic bags when I need trash can liners. If I'm only buying a few things and don't have a tote with me, I say I don't need a bag, thanks. We don't need the plastic bags.

4. Pack lunch foods in reusable bags. These babies can go in the dishwasher.

5. Keep a set of silverware at work so I don't use plastic. I was just reminded I wanted to do this by Steph in one of her zero waste kitchen posts so I'm new to this practice. Since we use more utensils in a house of two people than all the Duggars combined, I didn't want to bring any from home to leave at my office permanently so I got these from Amazon.

6. Glass or stainless steel straws. Sarah got me a glass straw for Christmas a few years back. I added another as well as a set of stainless steel straws so now I'm not throwing them out all the time. The stainless steel ones I bought last year came with cleaning brushes too.

7. Hang clothes to dry. I hang a majority of my clothes to dry instead of using the dryer. When we have a large yard, they'll all be hung out to dry.

8. Group errands together, walk, or use public transport. I schedule my errands for one day instead of multiple days polluting the atmosphere with my car. I take the asshole train to work, and at the shore I park my car and walk or bike everywhere until I leave. I also run as many errands as I can at the shore since I'm on foot or bike and during lunch at work since I'm on foot then as well.

9. Carry drinks in a reusable bottle. I love the S'well bottles because they keep drinks cool all day on the beach even when left in the sun. I detest plastic water bottles. If you are traveling via air, just make sure your reusable bottle is empty until you get through security.

10. Vote for people who know science and climate change are real. 

11. Pick up trash I see on the beach. Enough shit is in the oceans, we don't need our trash washing out there.

12.  Use cloth napkins, cleaning cloths, and hand towels. Paper towels are for dog accidents only.

13. Look for ways to reuse items or donate them instead of trashing them. I do put shore furniture out on my curb at home, but that's because it doesn't last for more than 10 minutes before a picker snaps it up.

14. Don't let the water run. While brushing teeth, washing dishes, etc. etc.

15. Compact fluorescent bulbs. Even though they're ugly.

Areas I need improvement on:
-To go coffee cups. DD doesn't make a reusable cup big enough to hold a large. DD, are you listening? I'd like a reusable cup that holds a large.
-Composting. I don't do it, but I should.

What do you do in your daily life to be more environmentally friendly?

Thursday Thoughts - got a photograph, picture of

1. Philly friends, today is the 5th Annual Food Truck Pop Up benefiting Dining Out For Life Philadelphia from 11-2 at 13th & Locust. Go forth, eat, and support an awesome cause. Stop by The Tot Cart. If you're looking for a place for dinner (or lunch if you can't get to the Pop Up) that will benefit this worthy cause, check here. You didn't want to cook today anyway, did you? Of course I am working at home today because the guy is coming to fix the oven. I've been without an oven for two weeks.

2. Saturday is the March for Science in D.C., nicely coinciding with Earth Day. There are marches for science in many other cities and suburbs as well. To find one near you, click here. Put your SPF on, grab your sign, and bring a trash bag to clean up after yourself. MFD and I will be at the march in Doylestown. Science plays a very real role in each of our lives every day. To hear politicians enact a war on science and see a trend toward discrediting scientific consensus and restricting scientific discovery is alarming. The March for Science champions robustly funded and publicly communicated science as a pillar of human freedom and prosperity; calling for people to unite as a diverse, nonpartisan group to call for science that upholds the common good and for political leaders and policy makers to enact evidence based policies in the public interest. How can anyone be unable to get behind that?

3. I love when utility covers are arty.

4. I've not been watching TV. I'm excited for this. I love Harry Bosch.

5. I'm mulling over a number of subjects I feel the need to address in writing but have not reached the point of being able to articulate them in the way I'd like for public consumption. Thursday Thoughts was first published here in February 2012 and has continued ever since because it's how my brain works: all over the place with a little bit of commentary on this and that. If you are a regular reader, you know that my longer posts on one subject are fewer and farther between than my bullet point rapid fire posts. That is the truest glimpse into my brain you will ever get.

6. Articles I liked this week: What Happens When Women Legislate and Fox News finally fires Bill O'Reilly - two decades too late. Article I read but hated because it made me die inside: First Protected DREAMer is deported .

7. I could not stop laughing at this.

8. I need bar soap storage ideas for the shower in our apartment at the shore. My stupid soap dish keeps falling off the wall and besides I like to have two soaps to choose from plus MFD has a soap and I have a face soap and now this sounds like a ridiculous amount of soaps, I know. Anyone? Bueller? Ayudame, por favor. The shower is very tight.

9. Reminder: 10 out of 10 times, you already know. You just don't always listen.

10. E-card of the week: Today is National High Five Day, after all. Yes, there is such a thing. It's also 4/20. Will I ever reach an age where I hear 4/20 and don't think of weed?

Virtual high fives to you.


Linking up with Kristin & Joey 

Wake me up when it's all over

This title could apply to a million things right now because there's a litany of items I'd like to be free from when I wake up.

But alas, I'm talking about the ideal sleeping weather.

Perfect, windows open, blankets on, deliciously lovely sleeping weather has made it impossible to get out of bed in the morning this week. I prefer to sniff the sweet air, feel a little chill on my face, turn over, lay a cheek on a snoozing dog's head, close my eyes, and pretend I'm a Rockefeller who can get up when she pleases...don't we all. Instead I've made myself late, forgotten my lunch two out of three days, forgotten my refillable DD cup three out of three days, and not given a fuck about any of it because the extra four minutes in bed was worth it.

Good Wednesday tidings to you. And a happy happy birthday to our fabulous cousin Gail.

TWTW - the one with the warm Easter

Friday shore arrival before 6 pm for all makes me happy. As does picky food for dinner + a solitary beach walk with just my boy dogs because Mae was in her glory with Sean and nanny here. 

Saturday sunrise from the Music Pier + some time on the jetty watching the waves crash into it. My dogs had me up at 4:22 walking around town in my pajamas so I figured why NOT ride down there on my bike? 

Mom & Rich got Brown's donuts and I ate 687 of them and regretted not one bite. Nor did I regret any of the bites I took from the Easter basket my mom made for me. 

Mom, Debbie, and I strolled Asbury. I basically window shopped except for two bars of soap. Rich rode his bike and MFD and Swan went fishing.

We had a relaxing, drowsy afternoon picking at food, lounging with the dogs, reading magazines, snoozing, and watching Sixteen Candles before heading to the boards to walk off all the food. MFD and Sean walked out to the end of the jetty, giving my mother a heart attack but getting really great photos I forgot to steal from MFD. I didn't forget to take this photo of him miming April the giraffe's birth event in Shriver's. 

Sunday morning sunrise from St. Jame's Place + a sweet ass shell find.

Then a lovely, leisurely morning as it warmed up. Rich biked, MFD went to church and then hung blinds in our apartment, the men hung a mirror on the top floor, Sean carried furniture down from the top floor, Mom made dinner and picked up some of it from Bennie's, and Debbie and I finished the contact paper half wall on the top floor.

Then we hit the beach for our first dedicated beach day of the year. When we first got down there, it was hot as a summer's day with the wind coming off the bay.  Debbie was forced to buy short shorts due to the heat. Then the sea breeze kicked in and it was quite chilly so we had to retreat closer to the boardwalk and Rich had to get sweatshirts and blankets from the house. Aubrey's parents were down for the day and sat down next to us totally by accident and we ended up spending the day together. It was great! We came back to the house around 4:30 and ate Easter dinner like we were going to the electric chair. Everyone left by 6:30 and MFD and I shit it down and we're home by 10 with very tired dogs in tow. 

Weekly food prep: breakfast is burritos from the freezer; snacks are power breakfast muffins or celery with hummus; Wednesday night I made turchicken burgers and froze them for this week's lunches and they'll be served with a side of roasted potatoes; dinner is leftovers of which I have a ton and whatever I can pull from the freezer this week.

I'm drowsy from sun and sand and salt air. It was a wonderful Easter weekend with my family in my favorite place. I hope yours was spectacular!

Linking up with Biana at B Loved Boston for Weekending