Comes in from gym at the shore
Me: Now what are you doing?
MFD: Holy shit! Were you here the whole time?
Me: What? Yes.
MFD: I didn't know.
Me: How? This efficiency is a small room. Like a hotel room.
MFD: It's like the Bermuda Triangle.
Me: Why? I'm not lost, I'm right here.
MFD: I had no idea...did I do anything weird?
In regards to Mae, who has been puking
MFD: God, she smells. I just gave her a bath.
Me: She smells like puke.
MFD: Are you sure you didn't puke because you smelled her?
Me: No, I puked because I was cleaning up her puke.
MFD: I would understand if it was just from her stench.
Sitting down on the couch
MFD: Nooo.
Me: What?
MFD: Turds.
Me: Ew.
MFD: This carpet is horrible.
Me: I know. I hate it.
MFD: It's the turd hiding carpet. And Gus is the turd dropper.
Me: Old dog syndrome.
Me: Thanks, Detective Clouseau. That happened in November, you know.
MFD: It's Inspector.
Inspector Clouseau.
Me: Apologies, Inspector.
On one of the million rainy days
MFD: Look at that girl. Not even wearing her coat. No umbrella. Do you see her?
MFD: Look at that girl. Not even wearing her coat. No umbrella. Do you see her?
Me: Yes.
MFD: I guess some
people don't mind. I hate cold rain. Then again I hate hot rain too.
Me: You're just all
no rain like Blind Melon.
MFD: Hmm, yes. Shannon Hoon.
In the car
MFD: Do you have nail clippers?
Me: Are you kidding me?
MFD: What?
Me: Haven't we talked about this before, like who should carry nail clippers if they need them and how I'm not a drug store?
MFD: I don't know what you're talking about.
Shit MFD Said in texts:
When I broke the news that his glue job failed:
When he broke the news about crappy grocery delivery (are in the first one should be ate):
All read and approved by MFD before they go live...
Shit MFD Said Vol 1, Shit MFD Said Vol 2, Shit MFD Said Vol 3, Shit MFD Said Vol 4
Shit MFD Said Vol 5, Shit MFD Said Vol 6, Shit MFD Said Vol 7, Shit MFD Said Vol 8
Shit MFD Said Vol 9, Shit MFD Said Vol 10, Shit MFD Said Vol 11, Shit MFD Said Vol 12, Shit MFD Said Vol 13, Shit MFD Said Vol 14, Shit MFD Said Vol 15, Shit MFD Said Vol 16, Shit MFD Said Vol 17, Shit MFD Said Vol 18, Shit MFD Said Vol 19, Shit MFD Said Vol 20, Shit MFD Said Vol 21, Vol 22, Vol 23, Vol 24, Vol 25, Vol 26, Vol 27, Vol 28, Vol 29
LOL... "The hole is gone." You are too much. Poor Mae... but sympathy puking over a puke smell is totally a thing for me.
ReplyDeleteThese posts crack me up every. single. time. haha. I love how he didn't know you were in the room and wondered if he did anything weird. My husband is ALWAYS looking for nail clippers too even though they are always in the same place and I've bought him his own!! I'm totally with MFD too, I'm sick of all the rain, hot or cold...blech.
ReplyDeleteJ e ll o. Hahahaha. I love how he asked if he did anything weird. I would have been like what do you think you did? Puke is the worst. I puke when I have to smell puke, so I get it.
ReplyDeleteHappy way to start the day! All lol-ers!
ReplyDeleteBermuda Triangle. No hole. #favorites #laughteristhebestmedicine
Love. Your. Momma
HAHAAHHAAHA, also the subtle "Christmas Story" movie reference. ;)
ReplyDeleteJust fabulous. All of it.
ReplyDeletehaha
ReplyDeleteAnd the nail clipper thing. Scott is always looking for nail clippers and we have like 6 of them. I don't understand how he can't keep track of at least one.
These are my favorite haha. "...did I do anything weird?"
ReplyDelete"It's inspector." DYING.
ReplyDeleteAwww poor pukey stinky doggy. And poor you for the puking after smelling the puke haha. Love the quotes from The Inspector! :) haha
ReplyDeleteHilarious! I don't know what it is with men and nail clippers, either.
ReplyDeleteI hope Mae gets better soon!
"... did I do anything weird?" haha!!! Men are so oblivious
ReplyDeleteI was home for about 20 minutes after a hair appointment & making normal noise (greeting dogs, in fridge, etc) & my hubs was shocked when he say me, convinced I was trying to sneak in on him.
LOL at the turd hiding carpet! And poor Mae (and you guys!), hope she feels better soon <3
ReplyDeleteHahaha, you guys have the best personality! Text conversations (with pictures) are the best.
ReplyDeleteThe other day I told K that I have no idea why I put up with him sometimes and he goes, "I know!" and I said, "Oh? Why?" He beamed and said, "Because I'm irresistible." I let out an immediate, genuine laugh and he got all grumpy with me. Hahaha.
HAHAHAH, these are always just the best. Love the Christmas Story reference.
ReplyDeleteJust because we carry a purse doesn't mean that we have everything a drug store should have! That's too funny that you've had the exact same conversation about nail clippers before!
ReplyDeleteBermuda triangle...
ReplyDeleteOmg.. that last one! And I was wondering why I couldn't find spaghetti squash lately... so annoying!
ReplyDeletemy favorite has to be the " It's the turd hiding carpet" hahaha yes.
ReplyDeleteOh he did not just ask for nail clippers again! HAHAHA
ReplyDeleteWe totally had a turd rug at our house in Michigan. It was an amazingly soft shaggy area rug and it was the perfect color to hide turds. I loved that damn rug but was not sad to see it go the day the garbage men hauled it away. Fucking asshole dogs.
ReplyDeleteIt's Inspector . . . hahahaha! He makes a good point . . .
ReplyDeleteget a reality show! dumb question - i should know this but what was MFD stand for??
ReplyDeleteIt's incredible you've written 30 editions of this meaning he has a never-ending supply of humor and it's always one of my favorite posts to read.
ReplyDeleteI keep nail clippers in my purse, so MFD is in luck if he's on a road trip with me. HA!
ReplyDeleteThe smell of the dog/kid puke never bothers me either, it's the site while I'm trying to clean it up. so bad.
ReplyDeletehahahaha the clothesline. hilarious. wait, is it a clothesline? i can't tell, my eyes are for shit right now.
ReplyDeletehey i just read a book the other day that talked about someone named Clouseau and i didn't get it, so thanks for that!
i think MFD needs this:
https://www.amazon.com/Utility-TU236-Clips-Clippers-Stainless/dp/B007IOHPLI/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1467047939&sr=8-1&keywords=nail+clipper+keyring
unless he already has it and just likes to ask you.