Life According to Steph: Shit MFD Said Vol. 30

Tuesday, June 21, 2016

Shit MFD Said Vol. 30

Comes in from gym at the shore
Me: Now what are you doing?
MFD: Holy shit! Were you here the whole time?
Me: What? Yes.
MFD: I didn't know.
Me: How? This efficiency is a small room. Like a hotel room.
MFD: It's like the Bermuda Triangle.
Me: Why? I'm not lost, I'm right here.
MFD: I had no idea...did I do anything weird?

In regards to Mae, who has been puking
MFD: God, she smells. I just gave her a bath.
Me: She smells like puke.
MFD: Are you sure you didn't puke because you smelled her?
Me: No, I puked because I was cleaning up her puke.
MFD: I would understand if it was just from her stench.

Sitting down on the couch
MFD: Nooo.
Me: What?
MFD: Turds.
Me: Ew.
MFD: This carpet is horrible.
Me: I know. I hate it.
MFD: It's the turd hiding carpet. And Gus is the turd dropper.
Me: Old dog syndrome.

Driving down our street
MFD: That's where your keys fell when you turned. That makes sense now.

Me: Thanks, Detective Clouseau. That happened in November, you know.

MFD: It's Inspector. Inspector Clouseau.

Me: Apologies, Inspector.

On one of the million rainy days
MFD: Look at that girl. Not even wearing her coat. No umbrella. Do you see her?

Me: Yes.

MFD: I guess some people don't mind. I hate cold rain. Then again I hate hot rain too.

Me: You're just all no rain like Blind Melon.

MFD: Hmm, yes. Shannon Hoon.

In the car

MFD: Do you have nail clippers?

Me: Are you kidding me?