Concert Douchery

This weekend I was in a large concert crowd two days in a row, which I usually try to avoid because large crowds turn me into Zuel and it's best if the public and I are not exposed to each other with such frequency. Concerts are great for people watching. And when people watching, it's always fun to play Spot the Douche. In a sea of humanity, it's not that difficult.

You have the can you please sit down-ers, which, no, I cannot. Actually, I do sit down because someone (MFD) urges me to, and then I get pissed and I stand up again because this is the encore of a concert and I believe it's an appropriate show of thanks and respect to the artist who just played for hours and go fuck yourself for making me turn around and explain to you that everyone else is standing up. When I go to a concert or a sporting event, I fully expect people in front of me to be so in the moment that they stand to express that. I either stand as well or I sit and listen. Something I never do: ask them to sit down. If you want to see perfectly, watch it on TV. p.s. saw you up dancing during Call Me Al, you cannot dance then be the dance police when others are dancing

You have the shushers. I hate shushing. And at a concert, people are going to sing and cheer and right on, you guys. It's your time too. Concerts are interactive experiences. The performer needs the crowd and the crowd needs the performer. For those of you who want to listen to a song so quietly you can hear a pin drop, stay in your living room.

You have the non-stop talkers. On the other hand, there are people who need more than a shush...if you wanted to just talk the entire time, why did you pay to come inside? You can do that in the parking lot for free.

You have the wild boars using inside toilets. Ladies (and I use that term loosely), if you spray the entire seat with your pee, wipe that grossness up. If you don't, someone else has to. And that's fucking disgusting, animal-like behavior.

You have the Very Important Person Leaving the Concert (VIPLC). This person does not follow the one to one etiquette of the parking lot, as in one person from each direction goes, taking turns, so that the line moves and everyone gets home. This person busts themselves up to the front and cockblocks everyone from escaping parking lots.

You have bros. Although to be fair, bros annoy me everywhere and I am up my my eyeballs in bro encounters recently so I have zero tolerance right now. I saw a guy in a white blazer and sunglasses at night at Peter Gabriel/Sting that looked like he was attending the Catalina Wine Mixer and not a freaking concert on the lawn in Camden, New Jersey.

Tell me your concert douches.

p.s. in the non-douche vein, happy birthday to my cousin Courtney!