MFD: Steph. I've seen a lot of documentaries in my time. This takes the cake. Shoulder deep in a cow's vagina!
Me: Why are we watching this?
MFD: Getting ready for our trip.
Me: This is old and we're not going to primitive Africa.
MFD: yep. That's where we're staying. With these people.
Packing his carry on
MFD: Are we bringing aromatics?
Me: What?
MFD: Oils?
Me: Deodorant?
MFD: No. In case of farting. In case others fart too.
Me: It's a 16 hour plane ride. There are going to be farts.
MFD: Right. So we need aromatics.
12:40 am the night before we leave for South Africa
Me: Why does Gus keep getting up?
MFD: mmhf
Me: Are you eating?
MFD: mfmm
Five minutes later
Me: He thinks you still have food.
MFD: I do.
Me: Christ.
Watching the sunset on the beach in Cape Town
MFD: Steph, do you have clippers?
Me: Why would I be carrying toenail clippers on a beach in Africa?
MFD: Why wouldn't you be?
Me: You need to add clip toenails to your pre-vacation to do list or pack nail clippers.
MFD: Or you could just bring them.
We come in our room after passing warthogs right out front and he leaves the door open
Me: If you keep leaving the door open, a wild animal is going to come in here. Then what will you do?
MFD: Probably leave.
As we're discussing the guy diagonally in front of us stinking so badly of BO that you
can almost taste it
Me: Eighteen hours of stank. Unless he gets off when we refuel in Dakkar.
MFD: I wish he was wearing DRAkkar.
A half hour after getting home from Africa
Me: What is this?
MFD: A documentary.
Me: On Cape Town? We were just there. We lived it.
MFD: It's our new tradition.
Me: Is it our new tradition because you like to say we were right there?
MFD: Yes.
Me: What are you doing?
MFD: Scratching my back.
Me: With what?
MFD: A back scratcher.
Me: That is a pasta server.
MFD: And a back scratcher.
Me: Just leave that on the counter near the dishwasher.
MFD: What are you doing?
Me: Getting rid of things and cleaning. I know you're not familiar.
MFD: Nope.
MFD: What's that?
Me: Nothing.
MFD: What is it?
Me: It's an alien landing pad.
MFD: Good. Because that's exactly what it looks like.
Me: It's a shelf divider.
On Superbowl Sunday, from the grocery store
Everyone on our safari rides got a kick out of shit MFD was saying too. It's universal.
All read and approved by MFD before they go live...
Shit MFD Said Vol 1, Shit MFD Said Vol 2, Shit MFD Said Vol 3, Shit MFD Said Vol 4
Shit MFD Said Vol 5, Shit MFD Said Vol 6, Shit MFD Said Vol 7, Shit MFD Said Vol 8
Shit MFD Said Vol 9, Shit MFD Said Vol 10, Shit MFD Said Vol 11, Shit MFD Said Vol 12, Shit MFD Said Vol 13, Shit MFD Said Vol 14, Shit MFD Said Vol 15, Shit MFD Said Vol 16, Shit MFD Said Vol 17, Shit MFD Said Vol 18, Shit MFD Said Vol 19, Shit MFD Said Vol 20, Shit MFD Said Vol 21, Vol 22, Vol 23, Vol 24, Vol 25, Vol 26,
