1. Grandpa Joe is the laziest a-hole faker alive. When there's work and real life going on, he's laid up in bed with a million other old people, feeble and unable to contribute. Literally, these old people are bed ridden for YEARS. Wah wah wah. Poor Charlie's Mom has to do it all. But when there's a golden ticket, Grandpa Joe makes a miraculous recovery, singing and dancing and moving around QUITE well. Lazy faker. Get a job or sweep a floor or cook some gruel or something.
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2. Charlie is a weinerwhistle. This kid...his face is constantly on the verge of crying or whining or moping. He's also a dick, choosing Grandpa Joe the faker to escort him to the Wonka Factory instead of his long-suffering, hard working mother.
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3. The Fizzy Lifting Drinks situation. That a-hole Grandpa Joe instigated this, first of all. Secondly, I am a rule follower and I really thought Charlie was too.
4 It's terrifying. It's a kid movie and here you have to listen to a slave army of small orange robot-like things called Oompah Loompahs poorly singing judgmental doomsday prophesies, you are approached by menacing strangers (Slugworth) acting as an undercover agent for a tyrannical boss (Wonka) who is off his g.d. rocker, and there is quite possibly death by candy at every turn in the factory.
5. Did I mention the title character is totally insane? He is a creepy old tantrum thrower to boot. NO THANKS WONKA, you psycho. Take your golden ticket and sit on it. I do really like these lines though even though he's red faced and letting spittle fly when he says them: You get nothing! You lose! Good day sir.
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What I do like is all the condescending Wonka memes on the internets. I also love Veruca Salt as she is my spirit animal. We both want it now.
Have a happy and safe Halloween weekend, you must. From Darth Vader (Gus, a total match to his personality), Yoda (Geege), and a real pissed off Princess Leia. For the first time ever, Gus did not freak out over a costume. I think he felt a kinship to Darth Vader, just like I do. He's our alter ego.
