Friday Five: Self Esteem Boot Camp

Why does everyone's life look so much better than mine? People are so fake and only share their perfect moments and other wah wah crap is what I've been hearing lately. Summer is prime time for these weird ass complaints because people travel more, are outside doing more, and they're sharing more on social media.

People, why do you do this to yourselves?
1) Everyone's life looks better than yours because they're out there living it, not concerning themselves with what everyone else is doing and
2) We have not entered into a contract in which we have to show each other everything so we know we're all real. Sharing good stuff is not acting like things are perfect. It's sparing each other from things that are really private or really gross. People don't owe you a front row seat to their problems just because you're friends on facebook.
3) Social media channels are places for to share fleeting thoughts and images, something funny or something you think matters. They're not where you unearth your truths or grow as a person. Your real life takes place outside of those networks.

Your issues with what you see on social media are about one thing and one thing only - YOUR self esteem. Self esteem reflects a person's overall subjective emotional evaluation of his or her own worth. It is a judgment of oneself as well as an attitude toward the self. Even though you're making it about what others are sharing, it's really about you and how you feel about yourself.

When you feel good about your life and are aware of your value, you don't care what others are doing in any way other than oh, how nice, that looks fun or are they totally insane posting that?  You're too busy enjoying life to compare your life to someone else's. You don't have the time or the inclination to sit around and say they're always doing all the things, it's not fair that I'm not/they always look perfect, I'll never look that good. 

Here's a quick Friday Five Self Esteem Boot Camp.

1. Recognize your triggers. What makes you feel bad about yourself? Respect yourself and don't put yourself in that situation or around those people. Before you say, "But I can't do that," think about it. You can. Might someone's feelings get hurt? Yes. But yours won't. If it's seeing the good of others that sets you off, instead of updating your facebook status in a weird passive aggressive manner, get off of facebook and find something to do that will improve your mood. I am astounded by the number of adults acting like five year olds with status updates whining about their lives or making generalizations about people that we all know are aimed at a specific person instead of just getting some balls and saying something to that person. Stop it. Really.

2. Don't take it personal. Everything is not about you, even though it feels like it is. Things other people do and say and how they react to situations are often about them. Not you. It's hard to get to that realization, but it's true.

3. Don't compare. Be too busy cultivating your life to concentrate on what your neighbor is doing. If someone can inspire you to be more and do more, that's awesome. If you can't gain inspiration without comparing, that's not so awesome. Seriously, you guys. Stop comparing yourself to others. When I see perfectly posed vignettes on Instagram, I think man they spent some time here I'm not into that not my life will never look this good. Recognizing differences is human nature. Comparing yourself to others is self-torture. Everyone is different and everyone's circumstances are different. Just be on your own journey. And good Lord, enjoy it. It's short.

4. Practice self-care. Feed your mind, take care of your body, make time for the things you want to do, let go of the small stuff, know your strengths and weaknesses and work on both, do things that make you feel good. If you treat yourself like the treasure that you are, you'll be less likely to be careless with yourself or to beat yourself up.

5. Love yourself. If you are okay with yourself, it doesn't matter if anyone else is okay with you. This requires total self-honestly - you need to be able to tell what you do well and what you don't do well, and to admit when you do wrong. You have to be fierce with yourself so that if other people are, they're not saying anything you don't know. Your worth and value have to come from YOU - no one else. People can tell you up and down the street all day long how good you are, but unless you tell yourself you're good, you'll still feel bad. People you thought would never leave you can and will - either by choice or by death - and if your entire sense of worth is tied up in others, you'll be sunk when that happens. It feels good when other people love you, but the foundation for accepting that love is loving yourself.

Help me down off of my soapbox, would you? Thanks. In all seriousness though, if you can't work through any self esteem issues on your own, find a good therapist who can help you. You're worth it.

Anything to add while we're on the topic?