Pee happens. I'm not going to avoid drinking just so I can drive eleventy hours without stopping. I don't think there's a badge of honor in that. When I have to pee, I am going to be kind to my bladder and pee.
Speaking of pee...
Attention Ladies: When using a public restroom, spread out. Do not choose a stall next to one that is occupied unless you have no other choice. I was peeing in a row of 10 empty stalls, two ladies walk in and occupy the stalls on either side of me. I was thinking what is this, a fucking raid? I have nothing. Move away.
Use public restrooms as an opportunity to prove you were not raised by wolves. Why are there toilet seats in public restrooms with pee on them, women of the world? If you're squatting and you pee on the seat, WIPE IF OFF before the next person comes in. If you don't, you are a disgusting disgrace and your parents are surely ashamed of you unless they are fucking wolves. What, you don't feel like wiping your pee off the seat? Guess what? No one else does either, you cretin.
Keep your eyes on the road. Not on the weather map in your car. If you want to know what the weather is, just, you know, look outside.
Know what your car looks like. Don't go to the car two cars over and open the door and start to get in that one, because then you might have to do the walk of shame to your actual car, open the door, and sit there for a long time while waiting for your partner to come out of the rest stop. You might actually text your partner to move his shit along because you see the guy in the other car typing frantically on his phone, likely updating his facebook status about the fool woman who just got in his car, and you don't want him to get a clear photo of you.
I may or may not know this from experience.
You will never like your co-pilot's driving as much as you like your own. This might prompt you to tell them how to drive in a snotty voice which might encourage them to say things like, "Maybe I should have left you in Canada." Wait, is this just us?
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