Shit MFD Said Vol 14

As he's bagging up Christmas cookies in a small sandwich bag at Dad & Carol's

Me: What's that for? Why don't you use a big bag?
Carol: Take a big bag. 

MFD: These are my emergency cookies.

Me: For what sort of emergency?

MFD: I don't know. Any kind. They'll be in my car. 

Me: Emergency cookies. Hmm.
Dad hands him a large bag and he fills that one too

MFD: Do you think if you did the balance beam every day your balance would get better?

Me: I don't know. Maybe. I guess so.

MFD: I'm going to do it tomorrow.
He does not do it tomorrow or any day thereafter.

Watching Jenny McCarthy on New Year's Eve.

MFD: Now back to Jennifer Asshole!
She will be known as Jennifer Asshole forever because it was too good

Our New Year's Day tradition begins with MFD roaming the house after 1 a.m. looking for shit he needs for the Mummers Parade, cursing like the father in A Christmas Story when he's battling the furnace and saying

MFD:  Where the F would that be?

In bed, in sweatshirts due to heater that stopped working at 8 p.m. Outside temp: 8 degrees. Inside temp: 54

MFD: Well, your dream has finally come true! It's 54 degrees in our house in the winter! 

Me: Thermostat Wars fail. 

MFD: When it's cold in the house I close my eyes and pretend it's warm out. Do you feel the sun?
Me: No.

All read and approved by MFD before they go live...
Shit MFD Said Vol 1, Shit MFD Said Vol 2, Shit MFD Said Vol 3, Shit MFD Said Vol 4
Shit MFD Said Vol 5, Shit MFD Said Vol 6, Shit MFD Said Vol 7, Shit MFD Said Vol 8
Shit MFD Said Vol 9, Shit MFD Said Vol 10, Shit MFD Said Vol 11, Shit MFD Said Vol 12, Shit MFD Said Vol 13

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