1. Total world domination.
2. Twenty-four hour a day access to the same food my humans are eating.
3. A weekend or 15 without my sister. And for her to have to wear silly costumes every day for my amusement.
4. For my parents to never go away on a trip. Ever. Then I won't have to pretend to be deaf for 3-10 days after they return home to make them feel guilty and terrible for not taking me with them. It's hard for me to remember I'm supposed to be deaf so they're doubly putting me out.
5. A world where no one tries to clean my ears.
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2. The freedom to hump the air or lick Gus's ears without getting scolded by my mother.
3. For my mother to stay home 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, so I can guard her and our home, following her everywhere and barking like a good guard does every time a person, dog, or car passes by. I am the Royal Guard and you shall not enter!
4. Fresh fruit at every meal.
5. A world where no one tries to take me to the vet.
2. A recording contract with Jay-Z. My Gremlin noises will be the next big hit in the music industry.
3. Endless scratches from my adoring fans.
4. For bullying my brothers and sitting staring in Gus's face waiting until he's done with his bone so I can steal it to be cool with everyone involved.
5. A world where no one tries to tell me where I can and can't sit. Yes, I can sit there and I WILL.
Peace out and happy Christmas Eve Eve on behalf of the dogs.
You might also enjoy this blog post by Geege, this blog post by Gus, and the most popular - Mae's blog post.
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Haikuesday
Dog blogs: I like them.
Dogs want stuff for Christmas too.
For real. I asked them.
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I would be remiss if I didn't wish you all a Happy Festivus today.
