Shit MFD Said Vol 4

Via phone after buying four pairs of glasses at Warby Parker and Pearl Vision in under two hours to make sure all the FSA money was spent by the deadline:
MFD: I bargained those bitches down. I said, "Look. I have $500 to spend and I want two pairs of prescription RayBans. For $500."
Me: And then what happened?
MFD: I bought a Groupon for 39 bucks for $200 off two pairs of prescription RayBans and BOOM I got them. I fed the dogs and now I'm going to buy shoes. Bye.

After spending 20 minutes in the Sam's bathroom:

MFD: Why would you blow your nose in the bathroom? It's like breathing in someone else's shit.

10:43 p.m., bedroom

Me: Are you eating? 

MFD: Just a light snack.

Me: A light snack does not arrive on a plate in the bedroom.

Watching Law & Order, mumbling to himself

MFD: He should go to jail for that hairstyle.

Looking in the mirror

MFD: Hey Steph, guess what I won't be doing anytime soon? 

Me: What?

MFD: Using that self tanner. 

Me: Well you thought it was lotion at first. 

MFD: Is that what you're saying so you can say, "My husband wasn't using self tanner for a week?" 

Via email:
MFD: Can you mash these two and put this kilt onto Dracula? (two photos are attached) Thanks!

Via phone:

MFD: I went to Dunkin Donuts today and the lady was barking, "Can I help you?" I said, "Can you give me a minute? There's a lot of items on your menu." Then she said it again real mean so I backed out of the drive thru. 

Me: I hate bad service people. But with the menu...it's not the first time you've been there...you go every day.

MFD: Well...NOT TODAY.

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Haikuesday:
Excellent service...
Is there a Groupon for that?
I would buy 15.

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All read and approved by MFD before they go live...
Shit MFD Said Vol 1
Shit MFD Said Vol 2
Shit MFD Said Vol 3

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