Keys are our Kryptonite

If we go away together and share a room, I will always call "not it" on being responsible for having a key. I will lose my key at some point, requiring visits to the front desk to get the room re-keyed.

My key issues go back many years. When I moved back home after college, downstairs was a fortress but my window was usually open up on the second floor. So when I misplaced my keys, I'd haul a big ass ladder through the yard, prop it up, and get my ass into a second story window, which required climbing on a perilous little ledge of a roof. Often drunk as a skunk after a night at the Hulmeville. Sorry Dad and Carol. At least I never broke my neck? Silver linings.

Countless incidents of key fuckery are why at least nine people have a key to our house. I continue to lock myself out, which, whatever, I'm used to the key fuckery. It doesn't help that you can open our front door from the inside and not know it's locked until you turn the outside knob.

But last year a bad thing started to happen. MFD came down with the key flu. I have to say I'm surprised it took more than 11 years with me for him to catch it. It's worse than the fucking plague.

His descent into key hell began as a joint  incident. I took the train to work and MFD called to inform me I had both car keys and he and had locked himself out of the house. On crutches. With a closing and an orthopedist appointment to go to. I called my mom like mother please help.

As the year progressed, MFD started locking himself out more frequently. I was like dude...I know. These fucking keys have it out for us. Or we're dumbasses. Probably both.

A few weeks ago, I locked both of us out of the house on a Monday night. Three days later, he locked himself out with another doctor's appointment and a meeting to attend.

Since these types of things happen in threes, a few days after that he locked the keys in the trunk in a loading zone in Center City. The locksmith was two hours out and $190. The PPA was closing in and he had an actual deal closing he had to get to, so the back window had to be broken out a la Johnny Castle in Dirty Dancing.

He was getting it fixed at 9:30 the next morning for $132. So an overall savings compared to $190? Fuck me. The best part is that he told me very casually a few hours later. Because what could I say? I couldn't freak out. I have the worst case of key flu known to man.

Thank God for our neighbors and framily who accept that keys are our kryptonite and just bring us the key when we call. If it's stupid and involves keys, it's happening to us.  And before you suggest I hide a key outside, I've done that. A few times. And lost those too. So thanks but no thanks. MFD is ordering an extra lockbox for us because I and now we suck so hard with keys.

What's your kryptonite?

Don't miss tomorrow's blog - Geege is finally making his debut. And visit my facebook page today to share a quick & easy healthy recipe for a chance to win $20 you call it on Friday. The post is pinned to the top of the page.