Ain't no shame, ladies do your thing. Just make sure you ahead of thegame.
Did you know Missy Elliott wrote that song for me? I'm Maisel, and I'm here to tell you all about me. I can sum it up best by saying it's all about me. When I don't get my way, or when I get a wild hair up my ass, my alter ego Hazel will terrorize everyone and everything in sight like a tiny devil. Like Queen Bey says, Who runs the world? Girls.
I'm 11 pounds of pure firecracker. I use all my weight to bulldoze everything in my path. I lure you in with my tiny stature, batting my eyes and holding my dainty little spotted paw up. You think I'm bashful and sweet, so you lean down and boom! I jump up and bite you on the nose because I need to keep the people on their toes. Do you see my Hazel eyes? Homie don't play.
Most days I bebop around, looking for things to get into. I'm intensely interested in everything. I just got here at the end of August and I've been trying to take over since. I tear ass around like a wild jackal, going as fast as I can on my tiny little legs, knocking blankets and pillows off couches, putting things in my mouth and shaking the bejesus out of them. I get moody sometimes, and that sounds like this:
Things are awesome here in my new home - I have the run of the house, the food is tops, they leave the TV on for us, and my clothes befit my scrappy diva status. I also have these brothers now. I really really want to be their best friend, but since I just turned four and they're older, I don't think they're ready for this jelly. I bullied Geege into letting make my debut here today before him. Bitches get what they want! King Gus already left his mark here.
I love my new parents. The Lady runs this house. Who runs the world? Girls. When she says something to me, I slow my roll because she's in charge. I try to stay on her good side but she does not like Hazel at all. I don't get it. Bitches unite! Can I get a hell yeah?
The Father is wrapped around my finger and lets me do whatever I want because I am small and cute and he wants a dog that likes him the best. Plus he picked me up from my old house and loved me when I was very smelly and had skin conditions. The Lady feeds me coconut oil and I am a fine sleek machine now. I like to commune with them both very closely even though lots of times The Father swoops in and takes me away from The Lady because he wants his own dog and the brothers flock to The Lady like bookends.
Like all self-respecting females, I have rules for living.
Rule one: Listen carefully. Do not F with me when I'm sleeping or in a vegetative state. I used to sleep on a crate pad in a kitchen, and now these people have bought me an enormous king sized bed because they know it's what a diva deserves. If you come near me when I'm sleeping, I will growl and I may cut a bitch! Who's house? MAE'S HOUSE. And sometimes RUN'S HOUSE. Much love to you Rev Run.
Rule two: All the things are mine.
What else? I am an insinuator like Gus, and if you move me from where I want to be I will scramble right back there cause baby there ain't no mountain high enough to keep me from getting to you. Otherwise, play with me, treat me like the diva I am, and let me sleep on top of you for warmth and we'll be solid.
I didn't choose the pug life. The pug life chose me. The people think I'm a pug/Boston mix but I know what I am: Maisel, the one and only tiny tower of terror.
Tomorrow The Lady is back and she has some announcements and a giveaway. Come back tomorrow or Hazel will be all up in your grill.
Peace out -
Mae Mae Cray Cray aka Maisie aka Mae aka MeMa aka Maisel
